Struggling to leave

[DietCokeandLime]

I decided that I wanted to leave DP. He's basically a good man, but has to have his way all the time and I've just grown so tired of it. I've felt this way for the past six months or so and I'm sure lockdown hasn't helped.

But I keep going round in circles. We'll have a nice couple of days and I'll think it's not that bad and then it cycles through until I really want to go and I'll start looking for my own flat and so on and so on.

It's really grinding me down, physically as well as mentally. I can't sleep for constantly churning it all over in my mind and I feel guilty and it's making me act like someone I don't recognise, someone that isn't me. I'm struggling to eat and have developed a UTI which I'm sure is because of the stress.

Is this a normal thing to feel? If so how do I get through it?

You get through it by actually walking out the door. You've trapped yourself in a swirling drain and you can never move forward like this. You know you need to end it, so do it. A brighter future awaits.

My x was far worse, and weirdly, I STILL had doubts about leaving. I think the pp is right, just walk out the door and process it later, analyse it later.

Do you have dc?

@Aquamarine1029 swirling drain is the perfect analogy.

I think that's whats stopping me is, how do I know if it would be a brighter future? Am I being selfish in thinking I deserve or want more? I think I can live with this level of unhappiness and dissatisfaction if I stay, what if I end up even more miserable if I leave?

I stayed in a god awful marriage for 20 years always thinking it will get better, life without him won't be better etc and wasted 20 years. I'm much happier now he's gone. It took a suicide attempt to realise that.

@SelkieIntegrated no DC yet. We'd talked about starting trying later this year.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky I'm sorry to hear that you had such a difficult time. I wish I could have a coffee with you and talk to you about it. But glad to hear you're happier now

He's not actually a good man if you have to do everything his way all the time!!

What happens when you don't go along with what he wants?

It's normal to be sad and grieve and wish it were different

This is exactly why you need to leave now
No dc makes it easy with them its so hard. Ensure your own happiness. Dc will only ruin rhis relationship .