Doubts after changing my name a few years ago

[halfabsinC]

When I was 21/22, I was having a bit of a personal crisis as I felt like I was reading the wrong subject at uni and that I was dooming myself to a career I hated. I left school and spent 2 years volunteering and travelling. I'm 28 now, and will finally be graduating in a couple of months.

Sometime during my break, I decided to give myself a fresh start by changing my full name via deed poll since it was the one thing I didn't really like anyway.

To give you an idea of how drastic the change was, I went from something like (not my real name) 'Sharon Ashleigh Olivia Grey' to 'Olivia Charlotte Leigh'.

My dad had a pretty bad fall a few weeks ago (he's fine now) and it's dawning on me that my parents are getting older and will no longer be here one day. I'm now feeling pretty guilty about the change, especially in the case of my dad (I still have a portion of the name my mum loved while 'Sharon' was my dad's favourite name and I dropped it).

Both my parents have somewhat accepted the name change and they just want me to be happy. However, a part of me feels like I've severed a part of our relationship (I did change my last name after all) even though that wasn't my intention at all.

I'm in half a mind to revert to my original full name via deed poll again. I hate this idea though as I've already got so much done under my new name (networking, awards, my own domain with my full name etc), and I'm not the most keen to go back to a name a feel meh about.

What would you do if you were in my shoes?

It sounds like you’ve done a lot of growing. I’d change my name back. I know it’s a pain in the ass with all the admin but it sounds as if you really want to do it! 💐🌈

What were you running away from when you changed your name? Have you now resolved that underlying issue?

How are you getting she really wants to do it from I hate this idea though as I've already got so much done under my new name (networking, awards, my own domain with my full name etc), and I'm not the most keen to go back to a name a feel meh about?

OP, I think you just want to please your parents and feel guilty, but you don't need to.

Anyway, why go to the lengths of changing your name back by deed poll?

Why not, as a sort of middle ground, just let them call you by the original names and keep the other name as your work name and the name your newer social circle use? You can use whatever names you like day to day, it doesn't have to be legally backed up.

Keep the name that gives you happiness, on documents, with friends etc, and let your parents call you by the name they gave you.

Is this an option?

I wasn't really running from anything specifically — was just generally unhappy with where I was in life and a bit lost after leaving uni and thought I'd change my name, change my email, get rid of the hundreds of spam mail flooding my inbox daily, start exercising, talking to people, helping out in the community etc.

I also never quite liked my first name and especially in recent years, unfortunately, have seen so many internet jokes being made about it so not the keenest to switch back even though I sometimes feel like I should.

You sound like someone who has these crises where you think that by changing xyz you’ll feel more fulfilled. I can tell you if that you continue to take this approach you’ll be lost forever. I know this isn’t the point of your post but I find your coping mechanisms for life quite concerning.

Quitting uni and changing your name is very drastic. Changing your name back is equally as drastic. Why can’t your parents just call you by your birth name?

My parents call me by a childhood nickname so that's one positive in the whole thing at least.

I do admit that I used to be very 'lost' as a person. I used to have a habit of picking up hobbies, and going 'all in' for a few months to a year before being disenchanted with it. This was the case with uni (I picked a course and a school thinking that it'd be perfect and then slowly started loathing every second of it).

I do think that I'm a lot better with managing my expectations and sticking with decisions now — my life has been pretty great and consistent for the past few years and I don't regret the course I'm on or the main hobby I've chosen or anything major I've done.

It's just this one issue which is compounded by how I don't know a single person who has changed their names and so makes me feel a bit guilty.

’I've already got so much done under my new name (networking, awards, my own domain with my full name etc), and I'm not the most keen to go back to a name a feel meh about.’

Then don’t! It sounds like you really like your new name.

Guilt is a wasted emotion. Let them call you whatever and even tell them you were wrong and you're sorry that it hurt them if it helps/feels true at the time, but keep your professional name.

Silly to change it again when you've worked hard to (literally) make a name for yourself.

I was going to suggest re-adding the original names as middle names - but that's still a bit of paperwork.
Fyi I do know someone who changed all her names. But that was after a divorce, so the last name was going anyway, the older generation had all died years before, and she said she'd never been that keen on her first names either so it was all change. In that case the new surname was an old family surname from further back though.

Up to you really, people adjust and it is your name when all is said and done.

Or, you could ask you parents if they would be interested in nominating 2 new middle names for you. Their choices now might be different...

My sister changed her first name by deed poll and her last name by marriage. By parents call her the name they gave her. Everyone else calls her by her new name. She just accepts it.