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Original poster

Divorce - house and mortgage?

16 replies

takingmytimeonmyride · 12/04/2021 14:52

I've been separated from my husband for 3 years now. I've remained in the house with the kids, paying the mortgage from benefits (I'm a carer to my disabled 18 year old)

Husband doesn't pay anything, is a jobless alcoholic. Has moved 250 miles away, hasn't seen the kids for 18 months (was too drunk to visit at Christmas)

I'd like to divorce him now. But I'm worried about the house. I wouldn't be able to get a mortgage myself. I have autism as do 2 of my children and really struggle with change so moving would be a nightmare. Can I divorce him without changing anything? I don't suppose he'd be bothered about being on the mortgage or not, he's never said anything in all the time we've been separated. It is one of the kids birthdays this month so he'll probably phone then, if he's sober I'll talk to him about it (I hate phoning him as I hate talking to him when he's drunk and never know if he will be)

There are no other assets etc, no pension I'd want to go after, he was self employed for most of our time together and didn't pay into one regularly.

This is assuming I get round to doing any paperwork for a divorce of course.

OP posts:
StephenBelafonte · 12/04/2021 15:08

You can't have the house if you can't get a mortgage, no. Your only options are to continue as you are or to divorce, sell the house and split the assets.

user1471538283 · 12/04/2021 15:23

If you divorce the house would be sold or you could buy your Ex-husband out but you cannot do this unless you can get a mortgage or have sufficient savings. In the meantime you are paying a mortgage which he could ask for 50% off.

autumnalrain · 12/04/2021 16:18

From my understanding you have to buy him out or sell up and leave

Fireflygal · 12/04/2021 16:29

How much is left on the mortgage and how many years?

2 issues, you earning enough, or receiving a enough benefits to get a mortgage and if he will demand his share, which will increase the need for higher mortgage.
How is his health? Is he working and what age?

ImFree2doasiwant · 12/04/2021 16:31

How old is the youngest child? I don't know how easy this us, but you could look into a Mesher order.

Original poster
takingmytimeonmyride · 12/04/2021 16:57

Youngest is 13.

Husband doesn't work as far as I know, because of his alcoholism. No idea what his health is like as I haven't seen him for 18 months. He's mid 50s.

There's 11 years left on the mortgage. About £53,000. I definitely don't have savings and with no job I guess I'd be turned down for a mortgage, despite being able to pay it.

He hasn't shown any sign of wanting a divorce so I guess I could leave it, at least 5 years till my youngest is 18, and see where we're at. I hate dealing with this sort of thing anyway. Ugh, paperwork, adult life.

In the meantime I will hope for a lottery win. Maybe I should actually buy a ticket!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 12/04/2021 17:01

Just leave it because in reality he would be able to make a claim on the equity in the house.

You're in a bit of a nightmare situation tbh.

moochingtothepub · 12/04/2021 17:07

You can divorce online but not file the financial documents if you wish - there's no law that insists he comes off the deeds or mortgage. However you are then always at risk that he could demand it is split at a later date. My friend was in your circumstances and her ex simply signed the house over to her, but it didn't go to court because they would insist both parties are treated fairly

moochingtothepub · 12/04/2021 17:07

I have filed without a consent order myself

nolovelost · 12/04/2021 17:47

Divorce is separate from the finances, so you could divorce without doing anything with the house. But if you decide later that you want to buy him out, the mortgage lender will have to consider if you can afford the mortgage on your own. They may not accept benefits as part of affordabilty? Is he likely to want to do that?

If you do go down the route of a transfer of mortgage, it would be best to make it legally binding.

RandomMess · 12/04/2021 17:49

I feel really horrible saying this but what is his realistic life expectancy if he's an alcoholic that isn't capable of working?

Original poster
takingmytimeonmyride · 13/04/2021 14:24

@RandomMess

I feel really horrible saying this but what is his realistic life expectancy if he's an alcoholic that isn't capable of working?
It's something I worry about quite often (for the kids sake more than anything)

I will probably leave things for the moment, maybe until the youngest is 18, and then see how things are then. Burying my head in the sand is something I excel at.

OP posts:
Fireflygal · 13/04/2021 16:34

@takingmytimeonmyride, if his health is poor, through drinking then time may not be in his side. However he could come back at some stage and demand a percentage, that's the risk of not divorcing.

I know someone in a similar position and won't divorce because she knows his life is limited and as a result she will inherit. Sounds brutal but that is the reality. If he had some of the equity he would just use it for more drink so no benefit to anyone.

I imagine he just gets by and his only need is to secure alcohol each day.

Danceswithwhippets · 13/04/2021 16:56

@takingmytimeonmyride

Look at this for general guidance:

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/if-you-were-living-together/what-happens-to-your-home-when-you-separate/

I suggest you take legal advice, with a view to getting an order regarding the house now even if you don’t begin a divorce.

Don’t sell the house, if you are able to keep paying the outgoings.

The general rule is that assets are split 50/50, but at the moment you are meeting all outgoings in particular the mortgage and the house may be going up in value so you are paying for his increasing share.

See @ImFree2doasiwantImFree2doasiwant 's suggestion and a Mesher order.

You would be looking for an agreement/court order that (whatever your respective shares in the house) you and your son be able to live in it as long as you wish. Your husband’s share would be fixed now, and you would pay him out in the (distant) future whenever the house is sold.

But do take legal advice.

Jsku · 14/04/2021 00:48

If you took out your mortgage as married couple - If that changes, you have to remortgage.
Regardless of whether financial agreement on the assets is reached.

So - in your case - I’d not do anything to change the situation right now.

Gardenista · 14/04/2021 00:59

@takingmytimeonmyride - I think you are best to leave things as they are and just continue paying the mortgage. If he can’t get it together to work or visit his children it’s unlikely he will file for divorce and seek his “share”.
My exh is similar, I wonder about his life expectancy (for sake of our child), his father was an alcoholic who made it to his late 70s but he held down a job, I imagine my exh won’t reach that age

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