Head is a mess

[WandaLust101]

How do you get over liking someone who you just know would be a good match for you?

I’ve been friends with a guy who I get along really well with for a few years. In that time my long term relationship came crashing to an end and although I told this guy that I liked him, he’s made it clear that he’s not interested. Despite much flirting from him. Bit annoying but oh well. His choice.

Can anyone advise on how to move on? I no longer speak to him, we don’t socialize together anymore as I just found it too hard being friends with him. The problem is.. I just can’t stop thinking about him! We really clicked as friends and I just haven’t felt that spark or connection with anyone else.

I’ve dated two guys recently and been on plenty of dates to distract myself.. the issue is, I’m just not really interested in anyone else.

His main reason for not dating me is he’s friends with my ex so I can understand why he’s kept his distance. I just need to get over him as I don’t think it’s very healthy to be obsessing over him. But I just can’t seem to stop myself from hoping that he might change his mind.

Unrequited love is the worst of all. It only fades when you finally meet someone you truly click with. Then you can begin to see it for what it was.

Yeah.. I keep convincing myself something will change but I need to accept it won’t. Dating is so hard though. I wish it was easier to meet someone. I feel like it’s never going to happen.

Hey OP, it’s tough to have feelings that aren’t returned. I wonder whether you are idealising this guy, which means you give him so much headspace that it makes it harder to get interested in other people (I’ve been there!). Try to keep yourself busy with hobbies, friends, exercise etc and distract yourself from thinking about this guy. He will have plenty of flaws that you aren’t aware of and so is by no means perfect! There’s no guarantee you would be a good fit if you actually got together.

Good luck 💐

Thanks. Already doing all of what you’ve suggested. And I’m well aware of his flaws. He is by no means perfect, but, I guess I probably have idealized him anyway. Guess I just have to give it time for these feelings to fade away.

I know this isn't quite the same as your situation but I was INFATUATED with a friend/coworker a few years ago, we were close and talked about anything and everything and people used to refer to us as acting like an "old married couple". I had known him for quite a while by then and these feelings just seemed to appear overnight. Looking back now I actually realise that, having just recently gotten out of a bad relationship with someone who was very cold and cruel towards the end, I saw this guy as a positive, friendly, caring force in my life and actually just conflated that with feeling like we should date. The feelings I had faded the further I got from my crap ex, and fortunately the coworker and I were able to remain very close friends, actually giving each other genuine advice on relationships etc and still chatting all kinds of nonsense with no awkwardness (although I'm aware this outcome isn't always possible after a crush and sometimes you have to cut them off for your own good).

I ended up (several years later) meeting the actual love of my life and I look back now and can't believe I was so obsessed with my friend! For me it was purely situational as I was in a bad place and he was kind to me and we got on very well. It's a cliché that it so hateful to hear when you're in the midst of something, but time is really the only healer here.

Did he say he didn't feel the same or did he give reasons for not dating? Those are quite different and my have different responses.

Thanks. I think that could partly be what has driven it for me too - coming out of a long term relationship also. It’s been very tough and I don’t think I’m ready for a new relationship yet anyway.

He told me he thinks I’m great but he only sees me as a friend and he could never date a friend’s ex either. It was nice but clear. We have since spent time together hanging out as friends and he has dropped a lot of what I thought were hints that he was interested, but, when I asked him again, he said no, I had it all wrong.