Sad and nostalgic in new relationship

[SaveMeASeat]

Hi all, I'm a new user but long time lurker looking for some advice.

I'm in a new relationship ~3 months, meeting in the middle of a lockdown which naturally has made things progress in a slightly weird way (no "normal" dates, such as the bar or eating out - lots of walks and later just being at each others places).

Anyway, I thought things were going well - he's a lovely guy, funny, charming, attentive and not too over the top - we have a lot in common, so I've been enjoying it. however, last few weeks I have started to feel rather sad and nostalgic about my ex-partner/old life and it's deeply unsettling me, my time with my new bf is melancolic and feels tainted.

I came out a LTR in early 2020, just before the pandemic and my hopes of a new life were not exactly possible, though, I thought I had moved on from my ex and didn't miss him at all in the last 6-7 months.

I'm struggling to know what's going on here - I can only think things are perhaps moving faster than I expected and I am pulling back, but I'm really not sure.

I'm feeling rotten, I have a heavy feeling in my stomach when I think about it all and it's reached a point where I am thinking I need to end this new relationship, though I'm not sure I really want to - I just want to stop feeling like this.

Could it be I wasn't as ready to move on as I thought I was? The feelings are intense and consume me. Has anyone experienced anything like this?

I think you are grieving the end of the old relationship and may have moved on too quickly. Those feelings of grief have to be processed. It depends on how deep the feelings are but it's probadly not fair on the new bf. Maybe it's a sign to just slow it down, you might benefit from a week or so just being alone and not having to think of a new partner.

How long were you together? What caused the break up.

You’re not ready. Might be the right man at the wrong time and that’s sad but okay. You’re doing both of you a disservice by continuing to see him while still processing your break up and feelings about your ex. Give yourself time and let him find someone else.

Yea it sounds like you need more time single. I dint think it's that you aren't over the ex, more that you need some more time enjoying your own space and company.

Perhaps the new guy could just be fun and company, nothing serious? Then it might feel less stifling. Obviously though you need to be careful not to string him along.

Thanks for the replies so far. I suppose I had come to this sad conclusion myself, but wanted to hear others say it. It took me by surprise as everything was going well. I was with my ex for 11 years and we parted amicably.

Gosh this is hard. He's a good egg and it will be super difficult to end this. Maybe a bit of space first - I have no intention of leading him on.

I am just shocked at how I feel I suppose -

This line - I dint think it's that you aren't over the ex, more that you need some more time enjoying your own space and company. hit me - I think this is exactly how I feel.

New guy has made it clear he wants something serious and long term. I guess I'm just not ready for that. :(