I need a good come back, please

[cockcrisps]

I work in management consulting, so my job is predominantly client led. A (more senior, male) colleague and I met a prospective client two years ago who wanted us to help him with his business which fell in a sector I have a speciality. We met several times and travelled to see his offices and during the last of those trips, the client came on to me one evening when we were alone, would not take no for an answer, turned up at my hotel door and I rejected him politely and told him he’d made me uncomfortable.

Then covid hit, things went silent for a while and work became quieter. The client got back in touch with my colleague again last week (cutting me out) to continue what we started 2 years ago. My colleague included me in the email chain in his reply and added me to the forthcoming meeting this week.

This morning I get a direct blank email from the client, with the following written in the subject line: “can you call me before our meeting this week. I want to ensure the most efficient use of my time rather than trivialities.”

He is trying to create a paper trail isn’t he, to cover his back? What should I respond?

He certainly is trying to cover his own back, probably going to check you haven't told anyone else, what a creep.

I personally would tell of what happened and explain dealing with him is making me extremely uncomfortable and would forward the email to the colleague of which is also dealing with him.

I wouldn't work with a client like this. I'd tell your colleague what happened and that therefore, you don't want to work on this project.

What @edwinbear said.

I'd speak to your colleague and HR, explain what happened, and ask to be removed from any interaction with the customer. Inform them you'll make yourself available for internal conversations and assistance, but not communicate directly with the customer.

“By ‘trivialities’, do you mean your persistent, unsolicited sexual approaches to me in 2019? (or whenever it was) I haven’t mentioned it to my colleagues, if that’s what you’re concerned about.”

I love this @UnderTheSkyInsideTheSea ^^^

It has unnerved me and made me feel like I should not do the job. It is very frustrating as it is my specialist area and I want to do it and I need the money. It all feels very unfair.

You are going to have to discus it with your boss.

The fact that he sent this to you directly, cutting out your manager, is quite telling.

Call and discuss it with the manager then follow up, including hs emal, after that conversation. Ideally you just want not to meet him face to face, to have your manager run the personal stuff with you doing the speciality stuff.

Good luck

I feel for you OP.
What a shit situation.
I think he will take the first opportunity to reject / drop you to get you back for refusing his advancing.
It will likely be a waste of your time, but difficult not to engage when you need the work.

I've worked with a lot of men like this over the years.

This was sexual harassment, I wouldn't reply, would contact your boss, the other colleague and possibly HR.

It IS very unfair. A horrible situation to be in.
If you tell HR / colleague they will mostly likely take you off the project.. which would seem sensible. But you can choose to carry on, not mention it and get your commission, unfortunately I'd probably do that if I really needed the money & it would make a difference to my life. I'd make it appear to be water under the bridge, as sickening as that is.

It depends if you're happy to continue working with him. If you are, I'd tell him that, owing to the issues arising from his actions in 2019, you will not be in contact with him without A (colleague) present. Would he like you to schedule a group call? Etc.

If you're not happy to work with him, I'd just say you are no longer involved and to contact A. If he contacts you again say nothing at all, just forward to A.

I should say, copy A in to everything if you choose the former. Stick to your guns and never allow one on one contact again. You have to cover your back here, too.

@cockcrisps glad to help. It also puts a record in writing for future reference if he gives you any more trouble.

It has unnerved me and made me feel like I should not do the job. It is very frustrating as it is my specialist area and I want to do it and I need the money. It all feels very unfair.

If you really need to do it, I would reply "I'm happy to [skype/zoom/conference call] with you & colleague to discuss [areas relevant to my expertise], please send meeting agenda ahead of time" or something and copy your colleague in. And just always keep your colleague involved.

But probably best not to pursue his business.

If you can let this one go then I’d say to hand it over to somebody else. If he’s nasty then he might be out to get you and could ruin your career. If you can do without speak to your other colleague or a manager plus HR in and forward that email he sent you. Explain very simply that the last time you saw him he followed you to your hotel room and propositioned you which you rejected. You now don’t feel comfortable replying to this email. You’re happy to consider the matter fully closed but want no more involvement with this particular client and wish to be allocated a different project. I’d finish with “I hope you can appreciate how difficult this is for me as I feel this client has put me in an impossible position”

Option 1: "if by 'trivialities' you mean your inappropriate behaviour towards me in 2019 then no, as long as your communications with me me are kept about XYZ (the work he wants done), I don't plan on wasting anyone's time on anything else."

Option 2: call him as requested but have the conversation on speaker phone with your manager present listening in. We do this often on my job because people have a nasty habit of "forgetting" how to speak professionally then denying it. Your manager doesn't need to speak on the call but it's good to have a witness to what was said in case he decides to be nasty.

How much money is it? Will it impact your career if you don’t do the job

Assuming you never mentioned it to anyone at the time?

Frankly? You're going to have to take the hit on this one and back out, and next time, whatever it is, however uncomfortable you must start your own paper trail first.