Break up

[wow1111]

I think I'm just wanting advice I'm not sure? Husband left me early Jan, I have been doing everything I can to help me get over the heartbreak, working, uni work, meditation, journaling, seeing friends etc etc..
Its been over 3 months now, and I know I am getting stronger, but even when I am doing something and I am so so happy, I am still thinking of my ex, do I just need to give myself more time? We have contact for our pets, but that is only fri and sun, and contact is pretty minimum, even though since I have mentioned a divorce, ex has gave me a few little compliments and brought me a bottle when I said I was feeling shit so couldnt pick the dogs up.

I just feel like I am getting mixed signals from him, or is he just doing this because he still cares? If I personally broke up with someone, I would not do little gestures like that.

Yeah we're both in our 20s, been together since school, 8 year relationship!

Other people have also said about the keeping me dangling, I just get so confused as to why he'd say were over but might do for the future? Like surely if he was to think like that then he's still confused rather then adamant. I just text him about sorting out something and because it didn't suit him he just had to tell me 'your making my opinions of you worse' purely for the fact I'm not running around after him anymore and doing things for myself 🤣 he really has such a negative image of me at the moment it's mental, been together 8 years surely he should know by now that I'm not the nasty person he thinks I am

As above poster said

He is keeping you dangling, he might want a shag and he can sweet talk you back into bed.

But he doesn't want you and it will be a mistake and your back to square one.

He left you, that's it, the end!!

He doesn't get to have you as a friend
He doesn't get to see the dogs
He doesn't get to stop you filing for divorce

He doesn't control you anymore

He definitely knows there is 0 chance of me getting into bed with him, I know my self worth and he'll have a shock if he does think anything different!!

Seeing it wrong down makes it seem to easy but having the emotions attached makes it so hard hahaha, I am doing everything right though I do know that!

@wow1111 - if you’ve been together since school, you got together very young. Some teen relationships survive a lifetime but most don’t and it’s right that they don’t.

It sounds like he’s realised that he settled down too quickly and wants to spend some time playing the field and actually that’s fair enough. Far better to do that before you have children together.

This whole making his opinion of you worse, though - I mean WTAF!? He’s left you after many years together and you’re supposed to worry about his opinion of you. What about your opinion of him!? He sounds selfish, immature, manipulative and a bit of a git. You deserve better than this.

Cut the cord, OP. Your future self will thank you.

He's slept around etc before me and I haven't, I'd have thought it'd been me wanting to do that but my mentality is different to his I suppose🤷‍♀️ shouldn't of proposed and married me but hey how live and you learn! And I know I did say to him along the lines of 'why should I care'..

Such a shame its come to this, at Christmas time I never ever would've thought a week later he'd up and leave! Just got to keep going and I know soon enough I'll be okay 💪

Oh that was also another thing, late last year he sat me down and told me to come off the pill if I was ready because he was ready for us to become a family

That sentence right there....

"your making my opinions of you worse "

That is simply a tactic to get you to modify your behaviour to his way of thinking and how he wants you to act, it does sound like he wants you to be waiting just in-case this doesn't work out for him. I get the same crap off my wife, now keep in mind she has ended our marriage and she is with another man but when I express anger or do something for myself she is right on me trying to turn the tables to make me feel guilty or says something that tries to keep me on the hook.

I know many people say this on the board but I wouldn't be surprised is another woman wasn't already on the scene, I hope thats not the case and even if there isn't this is still an absolute head wringer, create some boundaries now and stick to them.

Yes, every time I do stuff for myself I get called names from him, been called a few nasty things, which luckily don't affect me anymore because I know I'm not the names he is calling me, 'money orientated' for example!

It is mind games, even when I am contacting for genuine reasons which I need to, I cut off all non essential contact in Feb or so time, which he doesn't always respect, then a couple of times iv found myself talking to him but I have been very conscious the last few weeks I have seen him

“Yes, every time I do stuff for myself I get called names from him, been called a few nasty things, which luckily don't affect me anymore because I know I'm not the names he is calling me, 'money orientated' for example!”

With every update you post, I’m increasingly thinking it’s very good he’s gone. You’ll get there, OP.

Yes, my head knows that I deserve someone who won't just drop me whenever they want without trying to fix the 'problem' but I think it's just my heart what is holding me back at the moment and the fact I keep thinking this isn't the person who iv known for many years, just not like them

Yes, it will take your heart a while to catch up with your head. When someone starts behaving inexplicably, it often (but not always) means they have developed serious feelings for someone else and wish to be able to act on them.

Well he can be doing anything for all I know at the moment it's not as if I'm stopping him 🤷‍♀️

@wow1111

I think I'm just wanting advice I'm not sure? Husband left me early Jan, I have been doing everything I can to help me get over the heartbreak, working, uni work, meditation, journaling, seeing friends etc etc.. Its been over 3 months now, and I know I am getting stronger, but even when I am doing something and I am so so happy, I am still thinking of my ex, do I just need to give myself more time? We have contact for our pets, but that is only fri and sun, and contact is pretty minimum, even though since I have mentioned a divorce, ex has gave me a few little compliments and brought me a bottle when I said I was feeling shit so couldnt pick the dogs up.

I just feel like I am getting mixed signals from him, or is he just doing this because he still cares? If I personally broke up with someone, I would not do little gestures like that.

3 months is nothing, do not for a moment feel guilt or inadequacy over your recovery

I suspect he is feeling guilty (or at worse playing with you)

Either way press on with divorce, tell him not to contest if he really cares, and give yourself time...

I really want to do the divorce and get it out the way but then I feel like I shouldn't pay for it as I don't want it and it'd put me back a bit money wise so at the moment it isn't ideal for me to do it!! He's had plenty of chance to sort it but he hasn't

Do you have a joint account?
Take it out for there

No we don't have a joint account! I have had a look on the divorce papers and I don't think we will have an adequate reason for divorce at all

Unreasonable behaviour could include irreparable (sp) differences

I contacted co-op online and did it through them. I asked for half the divorce fees from exhusband