I'm so sorry to be posting, but hoping to hear back from people who have similar experiences
About 11 years ago I met a man and was in a relationship with him for 3 years (give or take, the dates are a bit hazy as we were friends before starting a romantic relationship)
After a few months some strange things statlrted to happen, I found out later he had been visiting a prostitute. In addition he became violent, threatening me with knives and kicking me in the ribs to wake me up at night to make me leave (I found out later this was because he wanted the prostitute to visit).
He stopped me seeing my family and I started living a sort of double life, because my friends and family insisted I had to leave him, and he convinced me that I wouldn't be able to cope financially without him, etc etc. Any time I tried to leave he threatened to kill himself, so I felt I was completely trapped. It took a night locked in a bathroom after him threatening to stab me before I realised I had to get away.
We never lived together (but stayed with each other for extended periods of time) and I was terrified he would come and find me, so I moved house, changed job and actually lost most of my friends from that period because I was determined to never be contacted by him again. At the time I had some counselling and thought it was all behind me.
Now, two things have happened- the first is me and my new partner are thinking about adoption and I'm going to have to list my ex as a former partner and social work may contact him (which is terrifying) and I've just applied for a new job, which may need police clearance, so if I'm successful I will have to list him as a former partner, which again I'm terrified of and these actions make it "real". I'm wondering if anyone else has been through similar and if any of this ever feels less threatening and anxiety provoking?