Anxiety about telling my ex I have a new partner

[ZubinB]

Briefly, my ex and I share 2 young children (3 and 8) Together 10 years, unmarried, split up 3 years ago - fairly amicably really.
I started OLD a few months ago, and met someone quite quickly on there, and it's going really well. He hasn't met kids yet obvs, but that is inevitable soon. Anyway, when I was on OLD I saw my ex was on there, and he saw me. I wasn't bothered, but around Christmas it said it made him realise what he had lost and that he wanted us to get back together. I said no (gently) as I am way passed all that - our relationship was toxic towards the end.
Anyway, I am nervous as hell to tell him I am seeing someone, as I don't want to hurt him, or rock the boat - particularly don't want to upset him during pandemic when he is low and not seeing his family - he sees me and kids all the time tho.
What shall I do?? Hold out a bit longer? I know many will say it's none of his business, but I still care about him (but I DEFFO do not want to be with him) I feel bad for my current partner also, as we have to do everything in secret - although he is not pressuring me in the slightest.
AGHHHH. Please help!! X

If he is on OLD then I’m sure he has been dating other people as well.

This has only been a few months, and in a pandemic, so I’d wait until you know it’s serious before worrying about telling him. He will probably have a girlfriend by then as well anyway (assuming he doesn’t already).

It's none of his business!

As courtesy I would tell him when you are ready to introduce the DC to a new partner you are way off that at the moment!!

Think of it this way, I’m sure he’d proudly flaunt someone in front of you so why worry about it? You’re definitely over thinking this. I wouldn’t make this a ‘thing’. He’ll find out in time but I wouldn’t bother with a big speech, just because you share kids it doesn’t mean he gets to know all about your private life. That ship has sailed.

I wouldn't say a word until the relationship
Is steady and definitely going somewhere. He's ready to meet the kids etc. You're only a few months in so that's way way down the road, so no need to tell your ex anything yet.

You don’t owe him anything to tell him yet op. If he’s feeling low and you think this may upset him then I’d hold off for a couple months until he can have his family round him. I wouldn’t do anything that may affect his care of your dc

Tell him when you have a well established relationship.. Why before then?

I wouldn't say anything until you are ready to introduce the kids to him.

I would just hold off for now. Its only been a few months and if you go telling him then he will ask the children about what you are both up to. Wait a good while until you get to know your new man. He is a stranger to you at the moment, 6 months to a year in you might consider getting him to meet the children if you are both on the same page and have plans for a future together. Your ex owes you nothing and it is not his business but understand that you are still protective of him.

well, we've been seeing each other for 6 months now and it is serious. I'm not into fair weather relationships, AT ALL, would happily be on my own. He is a divorced 46, I'm 43 so we're not messing around. I'm shocked it has happened this quickly, but what can you do?! Once things start opening up I imagine he will be meeting kids soonish. Not even just about the kids, it's about my ex seeing us out and about together. I will deffo hold off a bit longer - but I'm grateful for your advice, thank you.

6 months over lockdown and weird Covid times is not long at all for him to meet your DC. Test him out on friends and families plenty before introducing him to them.

You are both in a dating app. You are both meeting other people. He knows that you are over him. Of course it’s likely that you’re going to someone else. I l’d just tell him - it’s not like you owe him anything.