So my partner of 6+ years has had history of looking up videos of other women online.
From searching women we had seen together on obline fitness classes (I asked him to join me during my lockdown 1 fitness drive. He joined the last 10 minutes of my workout and when I tried to find the same video the next day but couldn't remember her name, he was on hand with it - after admitting to searching for her that evening "because he didn't recognise her")
He'd also looked up various women in bikinis (he's a Rachel Riley fan [confused) which has caused fall out with us. He'd looked up various "hot" women at a few points.
It started very early in our relationship and I've tried to forgive and think he was working on it.
The last time this came up, I said I was understand of him watching porn/looking stuff up if needed when masturbating but not to just randomly be looking up women throughout the day.
This week when I opened my laptop I had strange suggestions on YouTube. Swimwear catwalks with half naked bouncy women, hair flowing, toned goddesses... clearly not "how to strip varnish off a table" and the other sorts of things I look for on YouTube.
I then noticed my partner was logged in so looked at the YouTube history and saw that he was watching these videos several times throughout the day. At one point point when I was making tea to join him on the couch and watch a movie together. One was even viewed when I was in the room with him.
I told him what I had seen and I was upset about it.
He replied with saying he's deply sorry, and it's not a reflection on me.
He said he knows it's wrong and shameful, but he doesn't think he can control it as he is doing it again and he watches them in the same way he watches snowboarding or climbing videos - just as entertainment.
That is what upsets and almost sickens me most. As if women are just fodder, there for him to be be entertained by.
We are supposed to be trying for a baby just now and in the middle of buying a new house.
I have a son, from a previous partner who I raised on my own so I'm naturally not wanting to risk an unstable future.
The difficulty being, we actually have a good relationship without this ongoing issue. We do have issues, like I'm sure (hope) all other couples do but he is so giving and loving and attentive in almost every way.
He said he would go to counselling but I am already insecure from him keeping things from me.
Has anyone gone through this and kept their relationship? Am I clinging on to something that is not worth it?
I'm also very independent and not typically insecure so just want to make the right decision for my future here.
Any advice greatly received.