I'm not coping still

[Lollipop4444]

I've never been played or conned before. Normal healthy relationships in the past. An older man got into my life last year and was very convincing. Seemed normal. Decent. Honest. Kind. Caring. Loving. Consistent.

I won't make the post too long but it's turned out he's
A liar.
Cheated on his last long term relationship and still hasn't got over her after two years. The pair of them still speak alot and I have realised now they are in regular contact and there is a high chance one of them isn't over the other based on how they are. It's not clear who!
He lies about little things to big things but again only just discovering the extent to his lies.
He had started to put me down and when he got caught out talking to another woman he tried to blame me for all of it. He was desperate to make me feel insecure and convince me I had issues.

Obviously I understand alot now and I've accepted it's over but mostly I know we would never be happy. I know I've had a lucky escape bla bla.

But my brain will not stop. It won't forget him. I have dreams about me trying to make him understand what he's done. I have dreams of crying and wishing he would comfort me. Sometimes I am hugging him in my dreams.

In the day he's permanently sitting in my mind. Mostly disbelief. Hurt and sadness. I'm well aware we were not together years long but he got his hooks into me so fast! I keep having flashbacks and remembering something then realising the nonsense behind it. Or the fake commitment behind it. I keep thinking of all the obvious signs about his ex. I am in touch with the other woman he was playing and we both seem to grieving in the same way. Both can't switch off because there's so much stuff to work out and make sense of.

I am not depressed. I don't particularly feel I need a therapist as I feel quite stupid because it wasn't that traumatic really. But how do I stop letting it consume me all the time. Its been 5 weeks since we ended but he did come crawling back two weeks ago and after two days that was done. He had nothing to say worth listening to and he annoyed me pretty quickly thinking he could come back and expect me to meet him and see how we get on. It resulted in him blowing off when I asked what his real plan was.

Anyway I guess this is longer than I expected. Hoping others who have experienced similar will message me.

5 weeks isn't that long, especially if he came back into contact just 2 weeks ago. Honestly, this might be a rubbish answer but I think it just takes time. I had my heart broken once and it was pain like I'd never felt before. I was considering getting professional help as I was finding it so hard to cope at one point. After a period of crying constantly and feeling like I was in a fog, I eventually came through the worst and then decided I would focus my energy into myself. I tried throwing myself into other things, including getting my diet and sleeping up to scratch. I was having vivid dreams about him nearly every night for a while. It was a case of faking it until I made it for a while.

He's now started getting in touch by text occasionally, I never reply and actually feel quite annoyed when his name pops up on my phone now, whereas back then I'd have jumped for joy. It's like a form of grief I think, and it takes time to really process it. I don't think there's any way to magically be ok but you can definitely help yourself by focusing on other things until one day you'll realise you're not having those dreams and you're not spending time longing for him and so on.