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Relationships

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Original poster

Can it be a joke to comment on partners weight?

24 replies

Tallulahs09 · 11/04/2021 14:15

Me and my partner have been having issues since I gave birth to our son back in December and since then I've been thinking a lot about things that I have let slide in the past.

So he would always tell me from early on in our relationship that he would leave me if I gained a stone. He would always say that he was joking but it would still make me feel uncomfortable and paranoid that he actually meant it.

He also constantly calls me a bitch or a cow etc if I don't do the things he wants such as make him food. Again if I was to say anything it would just be that I am been overly sensitive and taking his humour the wrong way.

So my question is should I just accept all the insults as a joke and accept I am taking it too seriously?

OP posts:

KatherineJaneway · 11/04/2021 14:17

He sounds like he completely disrespects you and doesn't like you at all

jay55 · 11/04/2021 14:18

It's not a joke when you don't find it funny.
He's a cunt.

rainbowlou · 11/04/2021 14:18

He sounds awful, he is insulting you and I don’t get how that can ever be a joke?
You don’t deserve to put up with this and your child doesn’t deserve to grow up thinking this is an acceptable way to treat people.
I hate people that are unkind but try to justify it by passing it off as ‘banter’ , like that makes it ok.

ChristinaYang10 · 11/04/2021 14:20

To answer your title question only, yes it can be a joke depending on the individuals and the circumstances.

What you’ve described does not sound like a joke.

Shinyletsbebadguys · 11/04/2021 14:22

Absolutely not ok. Its never a bloody joke , how low do men think we are for them to even think that its acceptable to frame this as a joke. You are worth so very much more. Believe me.

I caveat the above aboutmen to say my Exmil was also like this. Considered it perfectly acceptable to call people pigs and bitches. She was also an embarrassment as a human being.

Anyone wo speaks to you like that is not joking. They are actively showing they think they are more important or better than you. You deserve more.

Youcanleaveyourhaton · 11/04/2021 14:24

No definitely not a joke and not normal for a partner to call you a bitch or a cow in any context.

NotATomato · 11/04/2021 14:25

Would you accept being insulted by a friend or a stranger? No. So it’s not ok that it comes from your DH, the person who is supposed to love and respect you.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 11/04/2021 14:37

Anything can be a joke if both people find it funny.

However your partner is an abusive bully. It's not a joke at all. He views you with contempt and lets you know that through his words.

He name calls and belittles you. That isn't any part of a healthy or loving relationship, ever.

You're being bullied by your partner. He's abusive. Please don't live your life thinking this is what you deserve, nobody deserves that.

EarthSight · 11/04/2021 14:38

he also constantly calls me a bitch or a cow etc if I don't do the things he wants such as make him food. Again if I was to say anything it would just be that I am been overly sensitive and taking his humour the wrong way

That's not humor. He seems to be telling you exactly what he thinks of you. Besides, why does he get to have the last word on what's acceptable or not acceptable in your relationship? So you just have accept everything he tells you, yes? No matter how offensive, insulting or questionable it may be? It's a bad example to set for the kids.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 11/04/2021 14:40

And please don't raise your kids in a home where they are taught by actions that men are allowed to call women names if they don't do as they are told by a man. Please don't. It's so unbelievably harmful as they will model their future relationships based on what they are growing up.

Bul21ia · 11/04/2021 14:48

It’s not a joke. Make it clear that you don’t like it OP and tell him to stop saying it.

People that say I’m only “joking” usually mean the comments about your size.

Shoxfordian · 11/04/2021 15:02

It’s not a joke if you don’t find it funny
He sounds nasty

ILoveShula · 11/04/2021 15:22

It's not a joke. Ask him to stop.
It's offensive.

mistermagpie · 11/04/2021 15:53

Honestly, why you would have been letting any of this 'slide' is beyond me, as is why you would choose to have a baby with someone so horrible.

But you're here now and no, I personally wouldn't be treating any of this as a joke. He sounds awful.

Pyewackect · 11/04/2021 15:57

One of these people who think they can say what ever they like and call it a joke...... “ calm down , I was joshing you “

My respond would be “ fuck off wanker ..... joke ! “

OldChinaJug · 11/04/2021 16:06

@ChristinaYang10

To answer your title question only, yes it can be a joke depending on the individuals and the circumstances.

What you’ve described does not sound like a joke.

Absolutely this with bells on.

ravenmum · 11/04/2021 16:13

A: If you gain a stone, I'll leave you!
B: What?!
A: Only joking - can't you take a joke?
B: Well, if you say that again, I'll leave you!
A: Ha ha.
B: Not joking - can't you take the truth?

Bananalanacake · 11/04/2021 16:13

What happens if you refuse to make him food. And no man ever had the right to comment on your weight.

Wanderlusto · 11/04/2021 16:22

If someone called me a bitch they'd be be out on the sidewalk before they could blink and their shite in vintage would follow from the bedroom window.

It's never ok for a partner to call you a bitch. Ever.

Wanderlusto · 11/04/2021 16:22

*in binbags

user1493413286 · 11/04/2021 16:24

But it’s not humour if it’s upsetting you and I don’t really think it’s ever funny to joke you’d leave someone if they put on weight.
If someone makes a joke and you say it upsets you then I wouldn’t expect them to make it again as why would you do something that you know upsets someone?

KirstenBlest · 11/04/2021 16:49

Your son will hear this and think it is how men speak to women. Nip it in the bud.

Wanderlusto · 11/04/2021 17:04

Theres another post on the relationship forum from a woman right now who has a boy who is 17 and now speaks to her like his father did. She has long got rid of the ex as he was an abusive shit but it's too late for her now to do anything to change how her son developed. He grew up seeing his mum being treated poorly unfortunately.

Kids pick up on these things. And personality disorders start in infancy. So the sooner you can show that it's not ok for men to treat women poorly, the better.

Dont end up 17 years down the line wondering how you could have raised a son who is cruel like his dad.

HalzTangz · 11/04/2021 17:13

@Tallulahs09

Me and my partner have been having issues since I gave birth to our son back in December and since then I've been thinking a lot about things that I have let slide in the past.

So my question is should I just accept all the insults as a joke and accept I am taking it too seriously?

An insult is an insult it's never a joke. He knows that and you know that. He sounds like a narcissist

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