The usual - I found messages

[madrose]

Hello, the bloody sixth sense kicked in recently.

Husband very distant, working all the time, long baths with his laptop etc. Likes to sleep in a different room - he has issues sleeping and wakes at 4 am and yes I snore!!!

The sixth sense was so strong that I couldn't sleep last night until about 3 am this morning. so when I woke up he was at work and I went on to his laptop. Checked emails, facebook, iMessages the works. Started to think that I was imaging things - when Skype (who has Skype) show up showing messages. First thing I did notice was the poor grammar.

Dry mouth, heart palpitations etc. I rang him, asking him if he was having an affair - he did the usual no of course not. I rambled on that someone had informed me and I knew he was lying, told him to keep away. Went for a long drive, cleaned the kitchen. and then sent him a screenshot of the messages - with the odd expletive. Think the words you bastard - were used.

He has replied, saying I was right, they're not together, it was texting etc and an emotional crutch and a friendship.

I've signed up to an online dating thing .......... why did I do that. I have a dd 16 - who is brilliant. I do love him, but he does neglect me - BIG time. But I know I'm not perfect by a long shot. His friend (male) who he used to offload to has ghosted him for a year, and he doesn't open up well to other people. So I get that he needs someone to talk to.

Shit - now I keep getting emails saying someone liked my profile!! Still don't know why I did that, think it's because I'm lonely in this marriage and he found a friend, when I would have been his friend, would have loved to have been his friend.

Can't eat or drink ......... one way to shift the pounds. At a total loss as what to do next. Am not going on dates - but have no family round here only his.

So, are you actually broken up or still in the relationship?

What did the messages say?

Do they allude to a meet up or EA

Does he work with them if not, where did they met

You need to delete your online profile.
Wait for him to get home, have an honest conversation and then decide if you want to stay together or break up.

Well you're not helping things by going online dating yourself, ffs. Talk to your partner and decide whether it's worth continuing with your relationship before you see other people. Show some respect to new partners and to yourself.

All this has happened since 3am?

I suggest a walk in the fresh air. No drinking. Come home and write everything down and how you see this panning out, eg do you tell DD and how? Do you stay together or break up? Is an EA something you can move in from? Etc etc

Still married, living together etc. I've deleted the dating site - no idea why I did it. Just felt so so sad to find messages from my husband to another women and they were trying to find a way to be together. And in a way a very childish desperate reaction to finding the messages. I wanted to hurt someone, say horrid things and this was better than lots of vitriol. A bit like writing here really, just trying to release the pressure in my chest. I just want to be with him - been together 30 years - it hurts.

Haven't seen him last night, he was up early for work. I've told him to stay away, I don't know if he will or not. I don't know if I want him to stay away or not.

Think it was an EA, but I don't know what to think. just writing rambling thoughts to help me process

This is all moving very quickly, I think to need to stop for a minute before leaping off into madness

I've been in a similar situation but wasn't living together. I ended it. But then decided to try and forgive and try again. It's hard. The slightest unrelated niggle sets me off wondering if he's still in contact. I think only time will ease this.
Do you still love him and think you could forgive?
I too went on OLD initially. Why? Maybe I felt like a confidence boost. No intention of doing anything or even chatting. Maybe I thought, well if you can msg someone behind my back, so can I. But honestly, two wrongs don't make a right.
I had a month to myself, got angry, cried etc. I weighed up the pros and cons. I still waiver.

I don't quite understand your post. What has his friend got to do with anything? What did the messages say?

I don't understand, on threads like this, why is there so much "I love him?" Why do you love him, he cheated on you? I'd tell him to stay the fuck away from me.

Turns out it was an emotional long distance friendship with someone he use to work with in Rotterdam 4 years ago. Was it ever physical - I don't know and don't want to know.

I have asked him to stay away so I can get some clarity of what I'm feeling, he is my husband of 22 years and been together 30, the father of my child. At the moment there is much adrenaline flowing through my body. The OLD was a silly reaction due to the shock I was in this morning. I wanted to lash out - but I won't do that but I couldn't contain the pain.

I have walked and walked, had a conversation with a friend - that helped. I don't want to see him.

Even if there was no physical contact - he has betrayed me. He's now trying to convince me that it was me that wanted different things, which is him trying to excuse his behaviour.

The messages were about trying to find a way of being together, she is also in a relationship. He would have a bath and skype her. There is nothing wrong with friends of the opposite sex, but to tell each other that they love each other, and will find a way to be together is painful.

And now there is bloody white smoke coming from the exhaust.

How are you doing OP?