Arguing over child's school choice

[Frenchintheuk]

Hi everyone,

Our daughter will turn 4 this summer and will start school in September. We applied for a primary school place and will know which school she'll go to this month.

We were casually talking about it with my partner this morning when I said "I hope she'll go to the school in our neighbourhood as I'll be able to walk her there" (my partner drives but I don't and I look after our two kids full time whilst he works from home due to the pandemic). He replied "I want her to go to a outstanding school, the one you're talking about is just rated 'good'" to which I replied "I've been to a 'good' school in the town I grew up in and I'm fine, our daughter will be fine too". He started to get upset and shouted that he didn't care and that I was selfish to think about what would be convenient for me instead of our kids to get a very good education. I was a bit shocked but I tried to explain myself saying that I used to walk to school or ride my bicycle with my mum and I loved it, always thought I'd do it with our kids as well if I could, that I remember it as good memories, etc. He became even angrier, telling me "You disgust me thinking like that! Our kid's school would be in another country or city that wouldn't be practical but if it's in another neighbourhood we'll manage!".

I get his point but I'm also aware of the fact that he works a lot (sometimes pretty early in the morning, barely have time to get lunch and work again all evening) and I regularly - weekly - have to deal with situations where he was supposed to help me with the kids but he is so busy that he cannot so I'm worried he tells me "We'll manage" but that I'll end up having to find a way to drop our kid at school by myself.

I simply wanted to discuss it and make him acknowledge my worries as parenting it concerns both of us but didn't except at all hearing that I disgust him thinking about practicality and end up crying.

Am I selfish to think like that?

No you are not selfish and he sounds unpleasant. If he doesn't help with pickups or drop offs of course it falls to you.

You are not selfish.

If he is that bothered about which school your DD goes to surely he should have brought it up when you were making the applications rather than now?

How does he expect you to do the school runs without driving? Is he volunteering?!

I'm a little bemused by the timing of this argument... Surely you discussed and agreed what order your school preferences would be.
You will be allocated based on those preferences... Argument is now just a waste of time, energy and upset as its now out of your hands.

However he sounds unpleasant. Not nice when you can't have a normal conversation, respect each other views etc

It's interesting he is basing on Ofsted.. Many outstanding schools haven't had Ofsted visit for years and are anything but outstanding now. Many good are far better.

Erm he does realise that the child is starting primary school....not secondary or uni. The local school is the better option for the reasons you have said. I take Ofsted ratings with a pinch of salt to be honest. The Infants school my eldest DD attended was good but the staff were amazing, the outstanding middle school, the staff were nowhere near as good with the children.

Oh and not to mention the social aspect for DD with playdates etc if they are walkable.

Why can't he take her to school? Not seeing the problem here.

My partners the same, we started our son in a school where we previously lived, it’s in another village about 15 minutes by car and I don’t drive but he does.
he’s started a new job and I’m having to get lifts to take my son to school, I’m exhausted and he seems irritated when I mention moving schools and gets upset, tells me to do what I want but he knows how it will affect our son, I feel so guilty I can’t bring myself to move him schools because it’ll be my fault that he’ll get upset