Never enough?

[TDmermum]

Hello!
I’m not really one to post of these things but I’m just really lost and don’t know how to feel better.
I’m 33 this year and tried online dating end of 2020 and I met a few guys. All nice but just didn’t work out. Then I met another guy and something just clicked in my head and I was like ‘wow!’. We went on a couple dates and then he started to get distant. Basically long story short his ex had been in touch and he wanted to get back with her. I was initially really cool about it. But then I saw that he updated his dating profile, I kinda saw red and asked if the ex story was true, he assured it was and that she had actually rejected him.

Not sure why any of this is relevant as my real problem is that I just can’t seem to get over the rejection. It’s really knocked my self confidence. I’ve come off all dating apps as 1, I don’t really want to come across him on there, and 2, I’m really scared of repeating the same pattern. I just can’t shake the feeling that I am not enough. I am trying to improve my self and my self worth, but I feel so crazy for still not being over this.

I can’t help but feel if I was slimmer/prettier, my dating life would be different. I have never been so hung up on someone not liking me back and I really just want to forget it all ever happened. Has anyone else felt the same while dating? It’s like I’m too scared to get back in the water :(

To be perfectly blunt this is the nature of online dating. I’m sure you have rejected someone that’s like you before? Or turned down a second date when the other person would like to go on another? Unfortunately feelings aren’t always mutual.

But the important thing to remember is that it’s not about you. It’s about a lack of connection/compatibility. He obviously doesn’t think you’re hideous if he went on multiple dates with you. He just didn’t feel that ‘wow’ that you felt. And that’s okay. I’m sure he’d been rejected before too.

I’m so sorry you’ve had this experience and that it has knocked you so hard.

With online dating you have to be in a place where you are thick skinned and take nothing to heart. Strangers’ bizarre behaviour does not define your worth at all.

I tend to look from the angle that I would be a wonderful partner, if they don’t see that, their loss. The right person for me will. The behaviour of random strangers who may have all sorts of their own stuff going on is like water off a duck’s back.

Good idea to come off if it’s impacting your self worth. Come back to it, if you want to, in the future when you feel ready.

I have no doubt that you are an amazing person. This too shall pass.

@autumnalrain

To be perfectly blunt this is the nature of online dating. I’m sure you have rejected someone that’s like you before? Or turned down a second date when the other person would like to go on another? Unfortunately feelings aren’t always mutual.

But the important thing to remember is that it’s not about you. It’s about a lack of connection/compatibility. He obviously doesn’t think you’re hideous if he went on multiple dates with you. He just didn’t feel that ‘wow’ that you felt. And that’s okay. I’m sure he’d been rejected before too.

Thank you for replying 😊. I know this is the nature of online dating, it’s more I’m angry with myself for being so hurt by it! I feel like I’ve lost my mind. Xx

@RamonaLark thank you for your kind words! I’m going to stay off them for a while as it was really effecting my mood. Hopefully I can maybe try again soon 😊