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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

he cheated.

29 replies

Idk8 · 11/04/2021 03:06

Ive been with my partner for a long while, he took on my daughter on. Due to some health reasons we havent moved in together but spent nights together speak every day and spend most weekend together.

He started acting different, made some comments about his ex. But it resolved itself and i thought we was fine. Id asked could i see him on the tuesday but he said he was busy so areanged to go the next day. I turned up an hour earlier than planned. after him telling me he wasnt interested in what i had to say about something i had heard on the news (he was in a terrible mood from work) i walked in the bedroom. On my daughters travel cot is a pair of womens pyjamas. I confronted him and he claimed them to be his sons girlfriends from when they both stayed at the weekend. He said he had found them next to his bed and put them there. He then rang her and she said they wasn't. So now hes accused me of putting them there to play mind games and cause issues as im the only other one with a Key and as he claims there has only been Me, his son and his partner and his best friend around in a long time.

Hes so convincing when he tells me he has no idea where they came from. But they can't come from nowhere. I mean that doesnt happen. He has no explanation other than "weird unexplainable things happen to him". Hes said that hes told people what has happened and they all have the same conclusion that i must of done it. I mean really? Like im not hurting enough

How can someone just lie to your face that sincere. How can someone claim to love you and want to be with you and just lie so calmly.

Ive questioned it all so much. I think i wanted to believe him but the reality is pyjamas dont turn up next to someone bed :(

OP posts:
Onthedunes · 11/04/2021 17:24

Ok op.

There is nothing wrong with your mental health other than what he has been doing to you.
You are right.
This is not just about the cheating, you must cease all contact with this type of individual. The lies you know about will be the tip of the iceburg.
Read up every thing you can about narcisists, you may begin to understand what you are dealing with.
This is not a person with normal morals and boundaries, he's a seriously fucked up human being who will destroy you without a seconds thought.

When you look at him, don't think love, think evil bastard, because that is precisely what he is.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 11/04/2021 17:41

He sent me texts saying he was worried for my child as im dangerous the way i am behaving.

That is a classic abuser move right there. Thank fuck he's not your DD's dad, so you have no need to worry about his implicit threats.

For your own sanity now I'd block him off everything possible and I reckon in a week or so you'll be looking at this as a lucky escape. It's only his carelessness and your early arrival that have tipped you off that he's not only a cheater but a narc or sociopath, to be able to lie so blatantly.

You deserve a lot better than this. Dont feel naive that he was able to take you in. He's obviously had a lot of practise, and I take it he's a few years older than you (given the age of his son, if he has a GF who sleeps over.) Plus, people who are honest by nature (like you) don't automatically think that other people are lying. Why would you? It wouldn't occur to you to lie, so you don't suspect other people.

2020Diary · 11/04/2021 18:00

He sent you a voicemail of him gaslighting you to his friends and them laughing.

A man who can do this to you is cruel and a cheater.

SelkieBeag · 11/04/2021 18:05

Oh boy. I think you have been hardwired to take the side of the person who is hurting you. My parents did this to me too and I ended up in a very abusive relationship. Every relationship i had after that was a little bit less abusive Confused until I got to the point where I put up with NOTHING anymore.

He would prefer to wreck your head than be truthful with you, all for his convenience at your expense. That is not a ''keeper'' as they say.

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