Is he repulsed by me..

[Cab12345]

Please can someone tell me if I’m going crazy?
I’ve noticed my man looking at me in absolute discust and wen I look at him he pretends to look away..
also he even took a biscuit off me earlier... I hadn’t even finished it..
I feel so crap about this.
what does this mean?
Is he not attracted to me anymore?
Am I being silly?

I’m fed up crying about it and I don’t know what to do..
is this the end of us?
Should I go on a diet and stuff to make him want to look at me again..
Please help x

I don't know but it sounds like he's playing mind games with you. Why don't you ask him outright? Or you could just cut your losses and find someone more worthy of your time and attention. Life is too short to work out mindfuckers.

You should leave.
His behaviour is not okay. It's disgusting behaviour.

Nobody on here can answer your questions without any context.

Have you put on a substantial amount of weight recently and he is very concerned about your health? Or, do you weight 7 stone but he is a controlling arse who is manipulating you?

Talk to him and find out what is going on.

No idea
We have a guy at work lot of health issues mainly due to weight . Will stuff himself at dinner fish and chips + cake drinks pop all day then constant complain about being fat .
I honestly think I look at them and treat him like that

How is your relationship? Have you been together for a while? Do you spend time together? Do you communicate with each other? Do you have any issues with your body? Do you feel like you've put on weight or that you don't look as good?

There are so many things that could make someone feel like that. I know I've went through a rough time a couple of years ago with my husband and my appearance was always in my mind as an excuse (I've always been like a yo-yo putting and losing weight and feeling very insecure). Could something like that be making you feel that it's about your appearance?

About the cookie... that's just unacceptable and I would call him out on it. At the end of the day if he has something to tell you he should openly discuss it with you and also help and support you.

And you should be happy with how you are and not feel obliged to lose weight for anyone! Seriously!!! What happens then when you get a bit older? Is he going to make you try to live up to impossible standards, or find a younger girlfriend because you are not young enough anymore!

You could get into healthier eating but do it for yourself, not for him.

Draw a line in your mind and tell yourself I'm not putting up with your contemptous looks you wanker.
He has no right to treat you with such disdain. He sounds horrible to make you feel so bad about yourself.

Stop wanting his approval, if he doesn't like whats on offer, tell him to fuck off.

Good luck, I'm sure you're lovely and he's a nasty bastard who has no idea what support means.

It depends, how many times on here are women advised to leave their overweight husbands or partner. You can't help who you're attracted to after all.
OP, are you a healthy weight? Have you gained a substantial amount recently that would alter how you normally look?
No-one can really offer advice in my opinion just going off the OP's post, he could be a wanker or he could be desperately sad and trying to help but going about it in the wrong way.

Ask him.

@whymewhyme

Ask him.

That’s a good place to start.

@JustGiveMeGin

It depends, how many times on here are women advised to leave their overweight husbands or partner. You can't help who you're attracted to after all. OP, are you a healthy weight? Have you gained a substantial amount recently that would alter how you normally look? No-one can really offer advice in my opinion just going off the OP's post, he could be a wanker or he could be desperately sad and trying to help but going about it in the wrong way.

I’ve never once seen a woman on here advised to leave a man for simply being overweight . For being a lazy and completely not caring partner who also happens to be overweight, yes Please point me to the supposed many posts of women being advised to lose weight purely for being overweight Otoh I’ve seen plenty of posts in mainstream forums where men have been advised to leave women for ONLY the sin of being overweight . Also the multitude of reddit forums where men advise each other to leave women once they get older and get a newer model. The multitude of men age like wine and women age like like milk threads I think your barking up the wrong tree to even suggest men have it half as hard as women when it comes to judgements about being overweight

What did you/he say when he took food out of your hand?
Why wouldn’t you ask why he’s looking at you “in disgust”?
No one here can read his mind.

Ask him.

But don't go on a diet to make yourself more attractive to him, I've been there before and it doesn't work. (I lost a lot of weight and my ex then told me I was too thin.. I remember laughing in frustration and saying surely there was a sweet point somewhere along the way where I was just right?! 🤣 )

If you want to make healthier choices for yourself then that's great, but not for anybody else.

@Washingtofold I have definitely not got time to start looking for threads on here
My point is from the limited information in the OP's post there is no way to know whether her weight would be an issue (ie healthy). I don't see the point in saying he is being awful when we simply don't know from the few details we have.

[quote JustGiveMeGin]@Washingtofold I have definitely not got time to start looking for threads on here
My point is from the limited information in the OP's post there is no way to know whether her weight would be an issue (ie healthy). I don't see the point in saying he is being awful when we simply don't know from the few details we have.[/quote]
That’s fine but you did make the statement about how many times women are supposedly told to leave men for being overweight which I absolutely challenge in a world where women’s weight is much more scrutinised and it’s considered that overweight men are ‘entitled’ to slim young women
Your post completely tried to reverse the much more heavy emphasis on women’s appearance and weight and discrimination that they face and imply that men are faced with the same .

OP I second what others are saying in that the best approach is to come straight out and ask him
Then and only then will you know his true thoughts and feelings

Speaking with him should give you a better idea of what he's thinking and if it is a misunderstanding.

But if you are right that he's looking at you with disgust and trying to control what you eat then yes I think you should end it. Because that's not how a loving partner acts even if they have legitimate concerns about their partner's health. It sounds hateful and controlling and that's not someone you want to spend your life with even if you could stay at their idea of the perfect weight.

Momentarily taking your partner out of the equation here OP, are you happy with yourself? Only you know that and being honest with yourself is the first step towards changing that. Much better than asking a load of randoms on a forum.

Amazing how - with the smallest fragments of information here - MN posters can say exactly how awful the DH is.
I think I'd like a little more information about the 'look' and looking away , and the biscuit incident.
You can't expect someone to not notice or even be less attracted to a partner who gains weight.
What you can and should expect is tact, support, and reassurance.
OP you are clearly really troubled by your weight gain but have you spoken about it honestly with DH?

You will have to ask him.
Maybe he was hungry and wanted your biscuit, was it a chocolate one ?

@Seadad

Amazing how - with the smallest fragments of information here - MN posters can say exactly how awful the DH is. I think I'd like a little more information about the 'look' and looking away , and the biscuit incident. You can't expect someone to not notice or even be less attracted to a partner who gains weight. What you can and should expect is tact, support, and reassurance. OP you are clearly really troubled by your weight gain but have you spoken about it honestly with DH?

Same as it ever was. Unfortunately.

@JustAnotherOldMan

You will have to ask him. Maybe he was hungry and wanted your biscuit, was it a chocolate one ?

I’m just waiting for ‘LTB’ - bit slow today!

@mellowtimes ‘Im just waiting for ‘LTB’ - bit slow today!

If you’re referring to the leave the birch type comments you’ll find plenty all o we the mainstream and men’s threads ... and guess what? Short of being abusive or cheating ( which is when mn will say Ltb , all a woman has to do is dare have physical changes from carrying the mans child or dare to age

[quote Washingtofold]@mellowtimes ‘Im just waiting for ‘LTB’ - bit slow today!

If you’re referring to the leave the birch type comments you’ll find plenty all o we the mainstream and men’s threads ... and guess what? Short of being abusive or cheating ( which is when mn will say Ltb , all a woman has to do is dare have physical changes from carrying the mans child or dare to age [/quote]
Nah, that not true at all. Not even a good try. I can’t be doing with illiteracy though.

OP, you really need to talk instead of trying to guess what's on his mind.

mellowtimes
Gold star for being rude enough to bring up illiteracy and also for completely misunderstanding what Washingtofold was saying!!

I've also seen a number of threads over the years where women have posted about their overweight partners/husbands and it seems they have tried everything but nothing works so the usual advice is accept it or leave him based on the fact that being ow usually indicates the man is lazy and has little self respect for their appearance/health. Some also include the impact on the posters sex life (the most recent one I saw) and the poster was in NO uncertain terms told don't let his relationship with food affect your sex life or ability to satisfy your want to have children. But then again I personally think it's quite common to see some examples of double standards on here depending on whether the advice is given from a man's or women's perspective.
Truth is there are many reasons why someone could put on weight. I mean, if the op is overweight, has put on a lot of weight recently then she could correctly be picking up on his obvious contempt and that is just not fair. I can imagine how shit that would make her feel and him taking food from her, if in a bid to stop her eating it due to weight gain, well that's quite nasty and insensitive and needs to be discussed. It's not how you treat someone you love.
She could be postpartum, on medication that has caused weight gain, all manner of things.
Alternatively, playing devils advocate, I know from experience that at a time I gained a huge amount of weight I just thought everyone had an issue with it, that people were looking at me thinking fat cow, when in reality my partner couldn't have cared less and neither could anyone else, it was me who had the problem with the way I looked. However my partner did have an issue with how my weight gain had changed me, I was far from happy, I didn't feel like me, want to have sex. I was deeply depressed about it and spent alot of time crying but then comforting myself with food, this is why he was unhappy with my weight gain, if I had been happier bigger he wouldn't have given a shit about my size. Although I will say he was a very emotionally tuned in man and was very sensitive about supporting and encouraging me.
Maybe he does have an issue with a big weight gain, if he isn't physically attractive to larger people and you was a drastically different size when you met to what you are now it may be that, it may also be he is concerned about your health, other changes that a weight gain has caused but just doesn't know how to broach the subject correçtly. I'm not saying he has a right to make you feel shit about it or that you must immediately go on a diet but I would say there is very little information in the post, too little for me IMO to give an 'he's an awful bastard' response. Of course, all of this aside there's every possibility that he is an awful bastard,
Op only you know the bigger picture here.