I want to leave

[Spagootiba]

I have told my husband that I want us to split. We have split before and it was horrendous as he refused to look after the kids whilst I worked which resulted in me leaving my job (although I was considering swapping to SAHM because my mental health was affecting my ability to work and function, basically I couldn't balance my mental health, work and looking after the kids). I also had issues with him not replying to me or contacting me about the kids whilst I was on lunch breaks which stressed me out.( they were both really young).

Anyway we split. He left but he did a disappearing act and didn't go to family or friends, scared the crap out of me and then later contacted me tell me he had gone to a seaside town and was implying he wouldn't pay to stay in a b and b, despite me transferring him money to do so. I later found out he had got a hotel for the night.

He basically said I was bad for leaving him and that he'd only see the kids twice a week and it wasn't fair. We got back together but it's really not working. I feel on edge around him and he has given me silent treatment throughout our relationship and i still find myself worrying about what mood he'll be in. I worry when we go out with the kids incase one sets him in a mood and it spoils the day. He triggers me to feel anxious and uptight sometimes to the point of not being able to function. He keeps saying he isn't in a mood and I'm sure I'm not going mad but I feel like maybe it's in my head and he is doing nothing wrong, I'm just paranoid.
One of our kids is very much a mummys child and gets a bit anxious when I'm not with her if she goes somewhere. (He often takes in it turns to take one child with him if he goes out to run an errand/ see family) I'm trying to work on this but he has taken it personally. I said maybe if he acts warmer and more enthusiastic things will improve between them. I feel like he is distancing himself from that child and concentrating more on the other.
The other day he suggested that we have a child each if we were to split. This has freaked me out. Does he have a leg to stand on. Can he separate our children? I can't bear the though of losing one of my kids, it's bad enough sharing custody fairly for example I have them both 4 days and he have them for the weekend or something (but that is what would be fair for the kids, surely. So I'm happy to do that).
I want to leave for my mental health and now I'm concerned about my kids wellbeing if he is being like this but I'm also petrified he will try and split them up.
Am I in the wrong. How do I get away. Neither of us is employed. He is supposed to be looking for work and I plan to look part time once oldest starts school on September. We are married but it won't be a financial battle just sorting out fair custody of the kids.

Also the last time he implied life wasn't worth living so I'm worries about that too. I suppose I just need to hear advice, reassurance, anything. Am I mad or not. Am I unfair or not. I have no idea.

Nobody would recommend splitting up the children like that, so don't worry. And don't worry about 'life's not worth living' - it's part of the script.

Start to make your plans but be careful he's not aware of them. Get documents out of the house and to a safe place. I'm so sorry, it sounds like you've done everything you can.

Sorry I missed put a sentence about anxious mummy's child. Said child has started not wanting to go out to placed with him if I'm not with them. This is what he's taking personally.

If he's moody and unpredictable it's no wonder DD doesn't want to go with him! It's never this kind of mans' fault though and it would never occur to him to look at or change his own behaviour to help his DC, that's why he takes it personally.

But no, the courts would be extremely unlikely to condone splitting siblings up, I suspect he probably knew that would frighten you and that's why he said it, along with the 'life not worth living' stuff, it's all designed to manipulate you into giving up trying to break free.

Agree completely with HollowTalk, push on with making your plans and tell him nothing until you're ready to act. What's your housing situation? Mortgage or rented and in whose name? Do you have someone you could stay with short term, friends or family?

Thank you for your replies. He just makes me feel guilty about the kids and says how would I feel in his situation. I keep giving suggestions on how to improve the relationship and I agree the coldness is probably one of the reasons, my child probably picks up on it and it makes me so sad. I know he loves them both very much but he can he very unresponsive at times. I often talk at him and its like he doesn't hear me. I sometimes witness him doing it with the kids and call him out. Which he denies.

House is rented. Obviously receiving UC at the moment. We are both on the agreement but the UC payment goes into my bank and the rent payment comes out of my account.
Hollowtalk yes I think maybe it is part of the script but I lost someone to suicide in the past and I struggle to take these threats and suggestions with a pinch of salt as I do care about him and he is the father of my children but at the same time I am still furious that he might have used it to trick me into taking him back as he never went to get the help he promised he would.

My friends ex pulled the whole life isn’t worth living shit and then stopped replying to her messages - I believe to try and manipulate her. She did the sensible thing and reported her concerns to the police and he never did it again.