Online dating ratbags

[Blubellsarehere]

Not sure what I am looking for here but just wondering if anybody else has experienced this / any wisdom to share from lovely mumsnet ?

So online dating site ( tinder )
For background am single , 50 next week ( gulp )
Have a grown up ( amazing ) child and sadly lost second beautiful , perfect child 2 years ago under tragic circumstances .

Divorced over 10 years ago , aware the world is not black and white so on friendly terms with my sons other bereaved parent/ family

2 long term relationships since .. neither sadly worked out .. one I know is a twat and the other remains a dear freind to myself and our mutual children

“Met” a man.
Handsome
Lots of chat
Switched to daily video and phone chat
Met for a couple of “lockdown “ walks / picnics
First date given flowers ( yes I am pathetic )

Talked about our children
“ hopes and dreams etc “. Same plans for future etc .

Something triggered suspicion in me when he video called me one day.
I saw a logo on his t shirt that suggested he was in a different profession to what he told me . Wasn’t an issue... but it rang an alarm bell .

So I set about a bit of internet stalking
Discovered he wasn’t who he said he was ..
Is married ( happy pictures of him and wife on both their Facebook pages including profile photos )

Sent him the evidence
Got a load of excuses back ( religion makes divorce so difficult , wife is a really nasty person, doesn’t want to lose all he has worked for etc etc etc )

Realised he was full of bs

It’s made an amusing story for my freinds and family , am glad it has cheered up their ( hopefully last ) days of lockdown

But I feel shit to be honest
I know I could send his poor wife a message on Facebook , I thought about it but realistically I am unlikely to be the first and unlikely to be the last .

I also
And this is why I am glad mumsnet is anonymous.. exchanged “ intimate” photos
No faces
But one can recognise my tattoo
And I think anybody could recognise his dog/ kitchen / bedcovers in the background

Anybody able to tell me why I am such a stupid cow?
And how to stop feeling like such a stupid cow ?

Chalk it up to experience and move on.

I’ve never really got the sending nudes thing so don’t understand why people do it. Seems very foolish in this day and age, I’m a bloke and know its not uncommon for men show show photos to their mates in the pub saying look who I’m banging...

Omg
Thanks marbles
I wasn’t nude

He certainly didn’t “ bang me “ however

You're not stupid - you realised something was up and checked him out and found he was a lying liar. That's well done. It could have gone on far longer and you could have got in far deeper if you had closed your eyes to your suspicions. You did good. He's the dickhead and idiot.

OK, sending nudes was suboptimal, but you can always go on Tattoo Fixers and get massive cover-up .

Erm...

I think lots of people do it! Bloody hell. No face in them so not too bad but honestly, you were dating this guy....you thought it was a normal relationship....you shared some pics and probably a bit of sex chat. And?? So what?? Totally normal.

You didnt know he was a sleaze.

Yes, theres the worry he might share the pics but be realistic here. Why would he? Hes married with a lot to lose. Wouldn't make any sense for him to do that.

He, on the other hand, lied to you and will probably be very nervous about the pics HE shared. You've been hurt but are YOU sharing the pics? Nope. Neither will he, so chill.... you were duped. Move on and forget the twat x

You're not stupid at all - you just have things a little out of order - as soon as you have any identifying information about the men - THEN you stalk them online to verify information. You just have to do that much sooner in the process - before you meet them the 1st time.

Also I went in with the assumption they were married and they needed to prove it otherwise.

Ah, sorry when you said intimate I interpreted as nude!

Where are my marbles ?

No it’s fine
I am sure I didn’t present this well

Doubt a photo of me without filters at nearly 50 would incite a stampede

The deceit is the issue I feel

You're not stupid. This has happened to me twice in 2019 and August 2020. Both of the men I met lied about being single, they were both married. It's annoying how many married men are making themselves 'available'. I haven't given up, but I've decided I need to do things differently so I don't get hurt or become bitter.

I don't share any pictures, especially intimate pictures. I insist on facetime and I don't do sex chat. I also refuse to become intimate until I've been invited to their home during different times of day e.g. Saturday/Sunday afternoon or a weekday evening. This always throws them off.

I try to suggest a visit by being spontaneous, genuinely single men will invited you over to their home, anytime with less than 1hr notice.

Try not to be too disheartened and please don't change being open, honest & optimistic.

What are intimate pictures that show your tattoo but not your face, but are not nudes?

Thankyou for this

Nurse .. great advice

Category .. not sure how best to explain this .my tattoo is on my hip if that helps

Well done OP. You did your due diligence and found out he wasn't single so you're not stupid at all. I always ask to be their Facebook friend so I can check they've got single as a status - saves a lot of time.

I'm not sure the men on those websites are looking for a long term relationship to be honest.

Ohh, like some sexy pose and draping.

Anyhow, you spotted the guy wasn't on the up and up, before it went too far, so you did good.

I was taking about this earlier with a good Freind
Is there a reason for being anonymous on dating sites ?

If you are 2o or 6o and single is there a genuine reason to withhold your identity if you are genuinely single and looking to meet a genuine match

I think it would be nice to have a genuine sight where credentials are checked

It hurts now, and I feel for you.
Many of us have been there.
But in a few years time, this will be something you tell your friends, "from the times you were so good at espionage that it saved you from spending time with a b@stard."

Pokse

Thankyou
That’s lovely x

@Blubellsarehere

I think it would be nice to have a genuine sight where credentials are checked

Yeah, but doesn't mean I want all the genuinely themselves weirdos knowing my info. Not that I'm dating but I found my current DP online, pros and cons.

Right
Sorry cheese
That’s not nice for you