I have three children. I’ve been friends with Glynis (not her real name) since my eldest started school 10 years ago.
We have, I thought, got on fairly well. Our children all get along and we go on day trips together. In recent years my career has taken off as has my husband’s and we have moved house into a house slightly larger than the one we had before.
Glynis is not married and is a stay at home mum. She has a lovely house, lovely children and a partner who works away a lot (during normal life, covid has stopped this so much)
Since moving into our house we have decorated a few rooms and done some renovations. Glynis will always make disparaging remarks about them, or pretend they haven’t been done. I don’t mind hugely, but it’s noticeable and I’m always first round to see her new car or garden work to celebrate with her.
We have bought a holiday home in the South West. We go down to stay as a family and sometimes my children take their friends. Glynis’ children really want to come, but there is not room for all of us, and my children aren’t that friendly with Glynis’ children independently of us adults so don’t choose to invite them to come along.
I’ve been moaning to Glynis recently that all I seem to do is work, look after the kids or home improvements and I’d really like some time with my husband who I don’t feel I’ve seen my recently.
Glynis asked me if, for my birthday this year, we could all travel down to our holiday home and spend some time there together. Her, me and our children. Without the men we could possibly, just, fit. But it’s a long drive for me, plus the bedding, the food, the bills etc. plus I don’t want to spend my free time with Glynis for any extended period.
I have been as kind as I can in saying no, expressing to Glynis that this year we need to rent it out for a few weeks to try and pay the bills etc but she has gone quiet on me and replies to my messages with one word answers.
I dropped a gift round for her dd birthday last week and she’s not said thank you.
We have had other miscommunications and strained friendships in the last couple of years but I just feel sad that this friendship seems to have run it’s course.
Should I have agreed to her birthday plans for me? If she had asked if she and her family could stay in the house when it wasn’t being rented, I would have said yes. She is aware that my friends and family visit for periods out of holiday season. But I don’t feel inclined to offer her the use of it as she seems to be sulking with me.
I’m overthinking this I know. Am I coming across as unkind? How can I move forward with this friendship without having to agree to something I don’t want to.