Don’t really know where to post this so please get it moved if in wrong place.
My ex and I separated over a year and a half ago after 10 years marriage. Two DC - 7 and 8. Both children took the split hard. Ex moved on very quickly; took me a while but I met someone too. Ex and I are now divorced.
What I’m really struggling with is how not to say things to ex when they do things that significantly impact the children in a negative way. I.e over the last two weeks they’ve introduced their partner - fine, but have gone very quickly to telling the children details ie they’re my partner and they’re going to be here (at ex’s house) most times when you have contact. Etc. We share 50/50.
They came back to me after a few days with them over Easter and are asking so many questions and I feel it has pulled it all up again for them especially as I cant reassure or answer those questions. DC8 has asked countless times if we’re still their parents.
Its really hard to not say to Ex do you not realise the impact this is having and what you’re causing for them - why does it have to be so intense so quickly? Can’t you just gradually introduce them?
When they met my partner it was very very casual maybe an hour a week for a couple of months and they had time to process. They very rarely see us acting like a couple even now as don’t wish to shove it in their faces.
I’m not sure how to approach this- ex and I get on generally well but its always on a knife edge and can tip very easily.
Its just so so hard as it makes me feel so unwell as I worry about the children going back there and I’m anxious while they're there. Then they come back and prove mg anxiety was right. I never speak negatively to the children and can very much act for the children but I’m just looking for advice on coping strategies so I dont let these things get to me. If I’m wrong and should just butt out then please tell me.