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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being to harsh

3 replies

easterdaffsx · 09/04/2021 22:53

DP and I have been together 4 years .
After the first year i discovered accidentally he still had feelings for his ex. It was a difficult time but long story short we worked through it .

A few months ago I picked up a letter (already open ) but shoved down the side of his car . I was waiting while he was in the bank and a bit bored so looked .... perhaps wrong but I was just curious as it was hidden away and it was his life insurance attached to his house ( which he now rents out and owns outright ) .
We live together .
His ex was still named as the beneficiary.
To be honest he's a bit lazy like that so I did ask him why she hadn't been removed and he said he would do so the next day just hadn't got around to it .

A few months later I asked him if he's sorted that and he said he had so asked to see proof .
Again this is wrong but given the past and agreements for openness I asked and he was pay with this .
He forwarded an e mail to the company from a few weeks ago asking to remove his ex"s name but hadn't had a response.
He hadn't chased it up .
He said he would the next day .
The next week i asked again and he still hadn't .
The same has happened twice more. .
To be fair he is a really hard worker and under a lot of stress at work so probably quite reasonable that it's the last thing he wants to sort after 12 hours at work .
However tonight I've had a bit of a go because he knows how important it was to me and he still hasn't followed it up . Says I don't trust him and I replied that on this i don't think I'm being unreasonable to be upset .
Am I being over dramatic in that I am living with someone ( with my dc) who didn't prioritise this and if something happened to him tomorrow all his estate would go to his ex who is now happily married .
I don't expect him to leave it to me btw but just remove his ex ?
I'd appreciate your thoughts and sorry it's so long .

OP posts:
autumnalrain · 09/04/2021 23:19

It sounds like you are implicitly aware that you will always come second to his ex, why are you with him? Instead of spending your time and energy chasing him to do something he clearly doesn’t want to do, i would invest that time into leaving and finding a man who doesn’t think you’re second best

autumnalrain · 09/04/2021 23:19

Also it’s not healthy to be constantly checking his mail and emails and stuff. You clearly don’t trust him

Crimeismymiddlename · 09/04/2021 23:32

I think your distrust of him really stems from the fact you ‘worked through’ him having feelings for his ex rather than break up. But now you have moved in with him it is too late for that, now is the time for the honest conversations, do you want to get married, or own a home together or is now the time you start looking for a new place to live.

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