Please help me get some perspective here.
Before Covid, I worked at home 1 day a week and ad hoc days. We have a 3 bed house, two bigger rooms and a smaller. DS is in the tiny room (with plans to move him to second biggest at school age). The second room was for books, storage, doubled as a guest room and had my desk.
Since Covid, DP’s ever so important job meant he took the office. I am at dining room table. His job is also too important to care for DS (no spaces on nursery for the day and he was previously at playgroup - I only work half day), so I have to entertain him whilst working. DS went into DP’s room today and he went ballistic at him, and then me. Meanwhile I’ll be in meetings and have DS’s head pop in and I just apologise and carry on.
For the third time this week I’ve gone into the spare room and his fucking hobby stuff is everywhere (and I mean everywhere). He puts together models and has 1000s of the things. I walk in - can’t get to the wash basket, can’t open the wardrobe, get to the book shelf, the window. Can’t use the desk when he’s not as it’s all over it. And he acts so entitled about it like he deserves that space (where the fuck is ‘my’ space then!?). Then there’s washing from 2 days ago I asked him to put away but he’s just put the wash basket at the back and I can’t even reach it! And to make matters worse, when he’s not taking calls he’s literally sitting painting his fucking toys whilst I’m working full out each and every day but I don’t get a ‘dedicated’ space for it.
I’ve reminded him that it’s actually a shared space AND will be DS’s room (I’m looking to redecorate over summer) and he still acts entitled and complains that DS doesn’t need a bigger room (which I’ve pointed out repeatedly that he does so I can move his toys out of the living/diner).
So for 3 days in the past week where he could have been helping with chores, he’s been tidying his room again. I can’t cope with it anymore. He’s so fucking entitled and honestly I feel like I’m in a relationship with a teenager.
There’s other issues - no input on life admin - i.e DS school application, decorating or gardening, meal planning, days out. I have bought EVERY item of furniture, appliance or general things for the house, all of DS’s clothes. Everything. I ask him to be involved, he doesn’t, and then when there’s an argument he says ‘it doesn’t feel like my home because I’ve had no input’. He hides chocolates and sweets (like regularly buys himself multipacks and instead of sharing, scoffs the lot and hides the rubbish in his pockets - he’s gone from average sized to very obese in about 4 years). He’s glued to his phone and his model groups on FB. He seems to be on constant toilet breaks when with DS (for a long time, on his phone) and spends most of his time doing what he wants and ‘trying’ to get DS involved rather than the other way around. He can’t do ANYTHING without being plugged in (like if I ask him to take the bins out he can’t until he’s got his headphones on), and of course, I need to directly tell him what he needs to do and he even asks for chore lists, because he can’t figure any of it out himself.
Honestly, I’m at the end of my tether now and don’t think I can cope anymore. DS made a mess earlier and when I raised it, not only did he put all his toys away but got the dustpan out to clean up without me giving specific orders (he’s 3!). DP on the other hand argues about it, makes it difficult and needs me to break everything down in to mini bite size instructions because he doesn’t get what something like ‘can you clean the kitchen’ entails.
He has his nice points too, but I’m starting to lose them somewhere and I don’t think I can cope anymore. What do I do? Is any of this salvageable?