Have I blown this?

[sunshineonarainysay]

I started chatting to a guy 6 weeks ago.
We have had 2 "dates" just walks and coffee(as nothing is open here yet )
We text daily and ring each other a few times a week.
The last week I think I've been texting him too much (few times a hour ) and I've noticed his reply's are taking longer.

We have a date organised for next Saturday for cocktails and a meal but I'm scared I've blown it by looking too keen.

Is there any way I can save this?

Pull back, texting more than once an hour is way too much, don't send more texts than you're receiving. TBH from his end, I'd find it a bit overwhelming to be getting that much constant contact even if I really liked the person.

It's a strange one because Wednesday he rang me 3 times in a hour.
So it's trying to work out what's right I think.
I have noticed last few days he is taking longer than usual to reply tho,so maybe I am annoying him.

Honestly, that's far too much.

I'd find a few texts a day a bit full on from someone I'd known 6 weeks.

That seems very intense for the beginning of a relationship. How do you have time to text and call each other that much?

He rang 3 times in an hour? You had 3 separate conversations in one hour? What?

You've already recognised that you're annoying him. I like the rule of thumb above from PP not to send more texts that you're receiving.

We both work from home.
Well he rang and we spoke for half hour then hung up as he was popping in a supermarket but then rang back once he was out.

Sorry but this sounds unhealthy. Either you struggle with impulse control and respect for boundaries or he does and has caught you up in it.

Perhaps it can be paced back but...

You Could try simply texting 'anyway, I'm gonna give you some peace now or we'll have nothing to talk about on out actual date. I'll give you a shout nearer the time to see if were still on and sort out the when and where's' and then dint contact him again until Thursdayish.

There really is no need to be texting someone (anyone, let alone someone voice has just 2 dates with) every day. Let alone every hour.

*someone you have just had

He's told me he is having a friend over tonight so I'm going to not text him all evening.
He sent the last text but it wasn't something you'd reply too so I've just left that.
So I don't look too ott

Whether other people think it’s “too much” or not is irrelevant- my boyfriend and I texted almost constantly from the moment we met, I never once felt like I was unsure or worried it was too much because it’s what we both were happy with. Sounds like he’s been as keen as you on occasion so I don’t think that’s the issue, but if you’re feeling worried or insecure this early on there’s usually a reason for that.

I do worry.
Just today we haven't exchanged as many messages.

I have to agree with @roastpotatoesss I don't know why everyone thinks its too much, some people text a lot and others don't. I would think when you're really into someone and they are you, then you do have that texting back and forth no?

So maybe I've done nothing wrong?
I did say ..sorry if I'm doing your head in ha ha
And he said I wasn't
But you never know

I think you could ease back a little, in case it's too much. Maybe tomorrow just casually mention you're seeing a friend for the day, so he knows you're busy, have a life and aren't just waiting on his texts.

Generally if you're roughly matching each others contact then there's nothing to worry about, so just don't phone/text more than he does!

You’re overthinking and analysing too much.All this should come naturally if it’s the right relationship

Are you texting that much because you’re having a back and forth conversation? I can easily text friends hundreds of times in a day if we’re talking about something (with them texting back the same amount) if I leave my group chats unattended for a few hours I can easily come back to over 200 unread messages because we haven’t seen each other for months and like to chat throughout the day. If you’re having a conversation with him and he’s replying then that’s fine I don’t think there’s a set amount to how much you should talk throughout the day.

If he’s not responding/messaging you though and you’re just sending him several texts an hour for no reason then yeah that is probably more than he’s comfortable with if he’s not engaging

Were you sending more texts than him? If its ping pong back and forth that's fine. Also, the occasional double text is fine. Multiple texts from you, if he isn't also sometimes doing the same with a similar sort of frequency, is an issue.

Yeah it's a back and forth thing.
Although yesterday I think I sent more than him but he was replying.

Much too much.

Too much phone communication, but not enough real life meet-ups. 2 in the space of 6 weeks isn't great.

You need to pull back a bit. You're looking too desperate (sorry).

And the bad thing about excessive texting, is that when the pattern of communication changes, it causes stress and angst.
And it does generally always change, because texting to that extent simply cannot be sustained. That's why I won't start with it.
Focus instead on your real life, 'in person' meets. Anyone can fire off texts when they're bored, but actions speak louder than words (and meeting up takes more effort).

I don't think you've done anything wrong OP. If you've been seeing someone 6 weeks I think it's normal to text every day. But seeing as you've only seen him twice, it's different. Usually when you feel someone is going cold on you it's because they are. I think your two options are either having a chat about where you think this is going, or to pulling back, stop texting and being available for some calls and see if he puts more effort in.

You literally posted the same "problem" the other day under a different username...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4211873-am-i-over-thinking-this?msgid=106316669#106316669

You sound very young.

No need to communicate this much. Sometimes a bit of a mystery is key. And also, let him be the one to intitiate contact most days - guys like to chase!

Lol @JorisBonson 🤣

I don't mean to sound harsh OP, but going by this thread and your previous one linked above... you're not in the right state of mind for a relationship. You're over analysing to the extreme and this seems to weigh heavily on you. 6 weeks in should be fun and seamless. It shouldn't be this stressful.