Hesitating to start divorce proceedings

[kcw1986]

Title says it all really. I want to divorce my husband but every time I get round to it I chicken out. I know am just prolonging the situation and burying my head in the sand but I just can't face it at the minute......is this normal, we've separated and I have loved not having him here and not answering to anyone.

Any one else been in a situation like this?

@kcw1986, I kind of know how you feel. Ive been wanting to divorce my husband for years but have never plucked up the courage to broach the subject. Weve been married almost 30 years.

I`m currently trying to pay off all my debts and save some money for when I eventually bite the bullet.

Theres no intimacy in our marriage, and hasnt been for quite some time, I think the last time we had sex must have been about 10 years ago but I don`t miss it at all.

I think Ive just plodded along because I was worried about finances and whether or not hed spill the beans to my youngest son that he isnt his bio-dad. My son is now 17, and hes never treated him any different to our other 2 children (now 30 and 26).

Now that Im working full time, the kids have their own incomes and will be (hopefully) moving out within the next 3-4 years, I think Im ready to go it alone.

A few friends have commented that DH no longer fulfils my needs and that I should leave and live my own life. Hes never been very supportive in anything that Ive done, but Ive supported him as much as possible with everything that hes wanted to do.

I wonder sometimes if he may be a little jealous that I want to achieve things and he`s quite happy to muddle along. I just like to challenge myself occasionally, recently changed jobs, looking into doing some qualifications to help with my new job.

I believe it will happen when the time is right, something will just "click" and that will be that, but prepare yourself for some backlash or even blackmail - emotional or otherwise, or in the case of my DH, the puppy dog eyes and feeling sorry for himself!

I hope everything works out the way that you hope/plan, and able to offer advice along the way.

Take care, virtual hugs and

Oh this is familiar! I eventually bit the bullet and got nici and I know I've got to sign some paperwork for the final step. But life is so so hectic that I run out of drive to get this last part done. I feel what you are saying. A good friend of mine told me recently, just get it done woman! OP, you've done the hardest part, you've separated and got your own space back.

The rest will be easier. Just think of it as 1 more step towards freedom.

Good luck and I'll race you to get divorced! ;)

Is there much to sort out asset-wise? If it's fairly straightforward you could start it yourself today online.

www.gov.uk/apply-for-divorce

You're not alone. Myself and ex separated years ago, I've just applied for the absolute! The main thing was the expense but it costs £550 on the gov site and is sooo easy!

Do you have financial agreements to make? Do you live in the marital home? Again, this doesn't have to cost a bomb to sort. I got my initial advice from a soicitor but sorting everything else out ourselves, and will get solicitor to finalise. I got lots of advice online and on Mumsnet.

the main reason* not the main thing

With finances I made him sign over the house to me which i then put in my mothers name (I insisted after he had affair). Even though were still young its been paid off.He earns ALOT.

We have two DS and hes paying child support and school fees which I knew he would.

Hes not making it easy as he wants to get back together but am more HELL NO. But we were childhood sweerhearts and I think its overwheling me to take such a massive step.

@kcw1986

With finances I made him sign over the house to me which i then put in my mothers name (I insisted after he had affair). Even though were still young its been paid off.He earns ALOT.

We have two DS and hes paying child support and school fees which I knew he would.

Hes not making it easy as he wants to get back together but am more HELL NO. But we were childhood sweerhearts and I think its overwheling me to take such a massive step.

Is any of this legal or just a voluntary arrangement ?

@ValleysGirl72, is your husband the only one who knows your son isn't his bio son? Was this the result of an affair on your side? I just think a secret like this might need to be out in the open, for yourself and your son, especially if other people know.

@kcw1986, why did you sign the house over to your mother? A divorce formally ends the marriage but would require the financial and child arrangements to be documented. Did you involved solicitors?

There is no absolute need to divorce straight away. You could wait 2 years and then file, this might allow you to both time to process the ending of the relationship.

He seems to have been very fair to you financially but if he meets someone else he might start to review finances. This is why getting a consent order is important as it gives you certainty over the finances.

@Fireflygal theres one other person who knows that DH isnt my sons bio-dad, and thats my penpal who I tell everything to. And yes, my son is a result of an affair on my side, although we were separated at the time due to other circumstances, but DH has known that he`s not the bio-dad from the very beginning and I even suggested that I leave permanently and raise my son alone