Should you always "forgive and forget"?

[MIAAN]

Is it wrong to be upset about something someone has said, even though they have apologised for it? Sometimes you can forgive but can't forget and sometimes you can't do either.

What was it he done/ said?

@MIAAN

I'm not quite sure I know what I'm scared of. I've always been a person that feels easily guilty over the smallest things

I'm sorry to hear this. But you can choose to change this habit of feeling guilty. If you don't, you will basically spend your life trying to please other people and then resenting them when they aren't grateful. You will always be waiting for someone to notice how loving and self sacrificing you are and reward you with love and approval. You will never discover what actually makes you truly happy or live authentically.

Or you could decide to start reading about assertiveness, self worth, authenticity, start working out what you like about yourself, how you want to be treated. Then you will be ready to move on from this unsatisfying relationship and will feel more excited than scared. Millions of women have done this and you can do it too, I promise

I forgive or otherwise depending on the situation. I never, ever, forget.

Your boyfriend is a jerk. You are too young to be dealing with this. Dump him and move on, you're young (I wish i was your age again!) and have plenty of time to find someone that's worth being with, someone you don't have to post about constantly.

OP you are 22 and starting threads on Mumsnet about your bf who keeps quitting jobs, he is financially precarious at best, is too clingy, wanting to know what it is like to be a young mum in university and now asking if you should forgive and forget whatever he has done, and that's just since January. You are all over the map here, do you have support from parents or friends, what is going on in your life that this is what you are clinging to?

My mum always used to say ‘forgive but don’t forget’.

I find it hard to do either - I’ve never been able to ‘shake hands and make up’ or let people say ‘I take it back’. No it doesn’t work like that!

@Newusertothis I'd rather not say on the thread but I don't mind pm'ing

I'm just scared of hurting his feelings even though it's inevitable

Pm then if i can help i will xx

It's not possible to go through life without hurting anyone's feelings! Part of an adult life is learning to cope with disagreements, sticking up for yourself, accepting that not everyone will like you, that you won't like everyone.

You have to learn how to cope with people being disappointed in you, disagreeing with you, feeling cross with you. It is uncomfortable at first but once you realise that the sky doesn't fall in and you don't get arrested when someone is upset or annoyed with you, you have a superpower right there. You'll be unstoppable

Is he scared of hurting your feelings?
I'm willing to bet that he isn't

Stop basing things on what other people think. Do what is right to protect your own self. Your inner child currently hears and sees how you completely disregard her - would you do that to any other child?

I totally forgive the ex who abused me. I will never forget what he did, and I will never allow him anywhere near me.

Forgive like that. Because I agree with the other,s your bf is an utter dick whose apoligies mean fuck all because he isn't going to change.

@Notagain20 I love your advice, I need to work on my confidence xx

@Newusertothis pm'd you x

[quote MIAAN]@Notagain20 I love your advice, I need to work on my confidence xx[/quote]
Yes!! You can totally do it. Start reading articles about assertiveness, look for an online assertiveness course maybe. It's so great when you realise that it's really OK that sometimes people are annoyed or disappointed with us, so freeing!