Is this bullying behaviour?

[Hobbitjar]

You are have had a disagreement and are trying hard to talk to your partner and come to compromise but when they are in one of their rages they don’t hit you but keep saying ‘you want me to hit you don’t you? In a very angry way? When all you are doing is trying to compromise

You call the police over that kind of behaviour. He is threatening you physically. Get rid of this monster.

Yes. That's an abusive bully. If you are facing this, please get out. Lockdown rules don't apply. You can call 0808 2000 247 (national helpline) or visit any boots chemist and ask to use their safe space where they will give you access to support.

It's worse than bullying, its abuse. It's a straight up threat. You know the famous 'look what you made me do' from abusers after they've battered seven shades of shite out of a poor dame that made him potatoes for dinner instead if chips right?

Abusers don't want to compromise, they want everything their way. They don't want to resolve arguments because they want you to feel unsure of your place, concerned, stressed and ill at ease.

No normal man will ever threaten to harm you. No normal man will ever blame you for threats.

If a man ever suggests that you are inciting them to 'hit you', you are with an abusive man. Get away from them, fast.

That's a red flag OP. Sorry but I'd write this relationship off.

What would you say to your sister, your mum or your friend if they asked this? This is no way to treat someone you supposedly love. It is not love.

‘you want me to hit you don’t you?' These types of leading questions are a huge red flag and demonstrates his lack of accountability for what he knows is abusive behaviour. He is deflecting and blameshifting here too.

This is very controlling and manipulative.

He’s threatening to attack you, and actually putting the blame on you. This is more than bullying, it’s abuse

It’s not me now but it was before when with my ex. I’m still traumatised nearly two years later dad isn’t it and his mum says I over dramatise things. He even threatened me. I was in a relationship with a covert narc and have to see him for drop off and picks up and I feel I need to talk about it. As it keeps going over and over in my head what I did do wrong.

You need to get his mum out of your life. Her son is an abusive twat.

Well certainly dont talk with his enabling mother. Of course she takes his side.

Just keep contact with them all to a minimum.

And forgive yourself. You picked a bad egg. But now you know what he is, you learned. That's progress. No one knows everything about the world from day one.

Now in future going forwards you can read up on how to spot his kind and you can work on standing up for yourself and not letting anyone into your life like him again.

You cant change the past. You can however decide how it will shape you.

I think you know it's wrong. It doesn't matter what you want to call it - bullying, being a wanker, abuse.....you know deep down it was wrong.

I'm afraid our families aren't always the best place for advise or perspective. It important to remember how utterly mundane, normal, and almost casual abuse or shitty behavior is to a lot of people, but just because they are ok with accepting that in their lives, it doesn't mean you have to.

Please give yourself a massive pat on the back for leaving. I 100% think you did the right thing. You might have saved yourself from much worse. You were absolutely right to leave.

Sometimes unacceptable, worrying behavior can be more subtle too. Things like standing in a doorway, having 'play fights' with you, hugging you a bit too hard too often - it's difficult because you will only face denials if you call it out, but often this is how physical abuse starts. It starts by them making you very aware that you are vulnerable, overpowered and that they're stronger than you. It's all designed to keep you in your place without having to lift a hand to you.

Yuck. I don't think this is bullying behaviour, just arsehole-ish behaviour.

Time to get rid of him.