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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Does she REALLY want to be my friend

13 replies

247 · 10/11/2007 23:19

Where do I start, I have been friends with someone for 5 years and mostly did all the phoning etc, well since the start of summer she has only sent me one txt (to say she was ok) and I must have sent her about 35 at least. I bumped into her at the start of sept in a supermarket and asked had I upset her, offended her or what and she assured me she hadnt. I thought I must have done or why else was she ignoring my txts. She told me things are so bad at home she is going to have to get legal advice (re husband), she has 3 small children. She is quite private and does not really discuss the problems she has with her DH but just says he is really horrid etc. Anyway she is still ignoring my txts and I am quite rightly fed up. Infact I am really hurt and upset but I am thinking if she is having such a bad time (she is on prozac) then how can I give up on her. Someone suggested to me that she is not responding to me because then she doesnt have to talk about her problem and therefore by ignoring my txt she can keep a hat on her emotions. Does that make sense? I really dont want to give up on her but neither do I want to keep hurting either. Advice anyone please?

OP posts:
LucyElasticband · 10/11/2007 23:36

do you actually talk rather than txt?

247 · 10/11/2007 23:43

sadly she doesnt answer the phone

OP posts:
247 · 10/11/2007 23:56

anyone?????????????

OP posts:
fireflyfairy2 · 10/11/2007 23:58

I have a friend who is depressed. I can go for weeks without getting a response from her.

Thing is, she will know you care & when she feels up to talking to you then she will contact you

247 · 11/11/2007 00:09

Thanks fireflyfairy2, how long have you been friends and whats the longest your friend has not responded?

OP posts:
Mommalove · 11/11/2007 00:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

warthog · 11/11/2007 08:46

she's obviously got ishoos. stop sending texts, and try not to be hurt. it's not about you. i agree with mommalove and say 'i'm here if you need me.', and then give her some space.

OracleInaCoracle · 11/11/2007 08:57

when i had pnd i ignored all of my friends texts/emails/phonecalls because i didnt think that they would want to see me like that. they would remember the "old" lissie and this new one who wouldnt stop crying and panicked about meeting people would ruin that memory for them. some of them fell by the wayside and others persisted. those who wouldnt let me go are true friends.

if you really like her then i would persist and just accept that she might not always reciprocate

macdoodle · 11/11/2007 14:04

When my marriage was breaking up I shut out everyone....I had no energy other than to cope a day at a time, I was hurt and embaressed and sad....it was very hard...I really appreciated those friends who made the effort and yes sometimes I just ignored them (it wasn't done on purpose)....just send her a text every now and then say you are there if she wants to talk eventually she will be ready and appreciate it....I doubt she is doing it on purpose...

minouminou · 11/11/2007 23:09

That's really good advice - I've never had depression, but have cut people out when having a rough time, as you really don't have the energy to put on a brave face
the fact your friend told you about the legal action is a sign she wants to be your friend, so just be there

247 · 12/11/2007 08:46

Yes minouminou, thats a good point. I find it hard to see thingsfrom her perspective if she is just 'hiding away', as whenI am depressed i have the need to talk about it to my friends. Right now I just happen to be rock bottom with marital discord and her silence towards me hurts like hell on top of everything esle.

OP posts:
Tortington · 12/11/2007 08:48

if someone doesnt' answer the phone or respond to the texts i am sending - then i wouldnt chase them - if they can't be arased to make an affort - then fuck em

lemonaid · 12/11/2007 09:03

Extraverted people (typically) like to deal with stuff by talking it through with others. Introverted people (typically) like to deal with stuff by thinking it out for themselves and only talk to others about it afterwards. I think your situation with your friend is largely down to different personality types.

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