Rebound

[Anniewilkes1]

Have you ever dated someone and then realised you were the rebound?
If so, were there any obvious signs that you noticed or even that you missed?

I've been doing a lot of sole searching lately and although my bf has not done anything particularly to make me think I'm just a rebound, I do wonder if I'm missing the signs and it's all going to come crashing down around me at some point.
He was only separated from his exW for a few months before we met. He does say it was over long before then but realistically I have no idea if this is true or not.
I'm worried that he's putting all his energy and affection into me so that he doesn't think about his marriage but I'm not sure if that is me overthinking things.

Do you feel you have his full attention? Does he talk about his ex a lot?

@MLMsuperfan I do have his full attention. He's very loving and doesn't talk about his ex much.

I think in that case I would worry more that he was the sort of person that just couldn't be single and that i was just a place filler.

When you say 'seperated' do you mean divorced? Because separated is nothing,they could literally make up tomorrow.

You need to keep an eye out. I dated someone like this once and he hadnt given himself enough time to come to terms with the end of his marriage and as such whilst he was all over me for 6 months or so, after this time it all started to unravel and we ended up splitting up.

This is what I fear
He's separated, not divorced. Still lives in what was their family home (she has definitely moved out).
We met as Fwb's to begin with as he was enjoying single life but both developed feelings for each other. I have raised my concerns with him and he reassures me, but it could be just words.
I don't want to ruin things for no reason, but I perhaps need to take a step back from him.

If you want treat it as 'just some fun and company for the time being' then run.

You know his wife is probably wondering right now if he was having an affair with you during their marriage.

Just out of interest, why did she move out and not him. Was it a mutual decision? Did the kids go with her?

I doubt I'd trust his words as far as I could throw them tbh.

*if you cant treat it as

I'm in love with him so no, I don't think I could treat it like that.

There was absolutely no overlap. I am 100% sure of that.
She moved back to her parents as they have a large house and could help with support/childcare.
He is also moving out of the house but it's taking him a while to sort.

Well the alternative is to ask him.

'How do you feel about marriage again in the future?' 'Within the next 5 years?' 'Do you want more kids?' 'In a committed relationship, how long would you want to wait before moving in together?".

If you've been together more than 6 months, these are all perfectly acceptable questions to ask and be able to expect a direct answer too.

Yes we've had that conversation, neither of us want to get married again or have any more dc.

If that's the case then...not really sure what the worry is. I mean chances are you'll have a relationship and as all relationships tend to do, at some point down the line for some reason, it will come to an end. But in the mean time, as long as its nice, why worry?

Just enjoy it for what it is.

I suppose theres the worry that he may want to end things sooner rather than you do because he was only really looking for short term company. But that's the chance you take in any relationship.
You can never truly know what in someone's heart. But most people in our lives aren't permanent fixtures.

Yes it is possible to be the rebound, but he will not see it at the moment. You are a fabulous distraction to the confusion and pain that divorce brings up. Unfortunately you have fallen in love with him. I have a male friend of mine who separated 18 months ago from his wife and moved out. I have helped him through the separation by being the ear to listen to him. For the first year he was really gung ho about it all and going out for socially distance walks with whoever came along. It was as if he had never been married. Now it has hit him like a ton of bricks. The marital home sold, he bought another house, his ex bought another house, just settling in now going their separate ways. He is not in a good place and picking over the embers of the marriage. It was the right decision to leave but the impact is only now being felt. So, keep your wits about you in the coming months. No one gets off scot free when divorcing.