If your dp was unfaithful did you contact the OW and if so what was the outcome?

[Bjarnum]

Two of my friends did. One got a very sympathetic response - the OW did not know she was the OW! They met up and confronted him together and both dumped him. In the other case her DP got the OW to contact her to deny anything was going on and to claim her dp was meeting her to support her as she was coming out as gay. All lies. And once this was established my friend then messaged her asking her where her self respect was and saying her lies had made his betrayal so much worse. There was no reply but the OW finished with him - and so did my friend.

Years ago an ex was unfaithful on a few occasions (I stayed like a mug), one of the OW was a friend of mine so yes I contacted her and told her exactly what I thought of her.
The second OW (there were more I just didn't know who they were) she blocked me before I could contact her so I contacted her husband instead. He never replied so I don't know the outcome. He was my ex shortly after

Yes. I got a friend to send her a letter telling her that he had been violent.

What was the outcome? I don't know and I don't care. I did my bit. I couldn't do anything to change what had happened to me, but at least I gave her the nod that he was a lying cheating violent arsehole.

No. I wanted to but I wanted to keep my dignity more. It was the right decision for me.

Yes, firstly she lied about it and said they were friends. Then she embellished the truth to make me feel worse. I wish I hadn't spoken to her

No. I wanted to but felt it would be undignified and that I'd regret it in the long run. He ended up leaving me for her!

No. I wanted to but I wanted to keep my dignity more. It was the right decision for me.

Same here. She blocked me on all social media anyway as she clearly expected me to contact her and was a coward. I didn't even scream and shout that much to my ex...it's not my style. I took a semi-gracious exit from our marriage when I found out.

I did, however date a guy for few weeks a couple of years or so ago and I knew he was very recently separated but he decided to get back together with his wife (fine, no problem with that) and then the next thing I knew she was messaging me on messenger telling me she knew I had slept with her husband and was it still going on!

They were definitely separated as i'd been to his house, etc but she clearly didn't like him being with someone else. She came across as a bit of a nutter to be honest and I blocked her and didn't reply.

She came across as a bit of a nutter

Finding out you've been cheated on and you're described as a nutter. Great.

No.

OW was someone I thought was a good friend of mine. So I had a double betrayal to get to grips with.

Part of me really wants to know what went on. But I didn't want to go though the process of finding out. Especially as the one thing I do know is that she's a capable liar, and I would never be sure of what she said.

My partner had an emotional affair so they were basically carrying on in plain sight as “friends”. I never contacted her and I’m glad for it. She thrived on the drama of it, and dropped him like a sack of shit as soon as I broke up with him and there was no more drama for her to lap up.

Cheaters and their affair partners are self involved and giving them more attention feels like a mistake. Just drop them and move on, IMO.

*She came across as a bit of a nutter

Finding out you've been cheated on and you're described as a nutter. Great.*

As I said on my post, she wasn't cheated on. They split up (on her request), she moved out, she found out he was dating someone and decided she wanted to get back together with him and message me to make sure we weren't still sleeping together. Which we weren't because he'd told me they were getting back together.

I have been cheated on so certainly wouldn't be calling her a nutter if I had done that to someone. But thanks.

Many years ago a long term bf (4 years) cheated on me and gave me genital warts. I went to the door of the girl he’d slept with and asked to see her; her dad said she wasn’t in, so I explained to him that his daughter’s new squeeze was riddled and she might want to get checked out.

It made no difference- they got married.

Yes but in my case I already knew her, and ex, (after I discovered the affair after about 5 mins) wanted to be with his 'soulmate'. We had numerous discussions, most of which involved her telling me all the lies he'd told her about being railroaded into kids and marriage and how controlling I was. Fortunately after I got past the initial shock I had a real epiphany of what a shit he was, what a sad, desperate and needy woman she was and wished her good luck before they got married. Given how things have been since, I agree about thriving on the drama and do as little as possible to participate in it.

I contacted the OW after she emailed me at work and informed me she had been in a 'relationship' with my DP of 11 years since October. I wish I hadn't tbh as I wanted her to think I wasn't bothered, plus she told me stuff that just heightened my paranoia. I don't know her as they were work colleagues