My What’s app convos on Hs phone

[Ihatesalad]

I’ve name changed for this thread but am a regular poster. Had a bit of a turbulent few years and we are now abroad (no kids with us as son is an adult in the UK) we are in the EU and have only been there 6 months. (Rent) we have just celebrated our 25th anniversary. It’s my 2nd marriage. I picked up his phone tonight to unplug it so I could plug mine in and he had some of his tabs open— I got a huge shock when I realised one page was a connection into my what’s app convos from a while back for a set period of about 6 months with my name at the top . I know how it’s done via WhatsApp web — so I quickly went onto my phone which showed a connection to another iPhone and disconnected it. It’s something he clearly did at one point and I didnt notice. I’m feeling quite sick to be honest— whilst I have reason to distrust him based on some very old behaviour— he has no reason at all to distrust me. I haven’t said anything— I’m stuck abroad without support — I’m very tempted to rent somewhere back where we have just left and leave him a letter or there is a good chance we may come back to UK in summer and get back and take action then. What would others do.??? This isn’t the only thing, it’s on the back of other things too. He’s not a horrible guy , but what with this, secretive porn habits, a bad temper at times and a bit of a ‘my way or the highway Attitude’ - I feel enough is enough and this takes the biscuit. Has anyone else had a partner do this!

I'm amazed you have stayed with him. I'd leave asap.

You say he's not a horrible guy, but yes, he IS a horrible guy. He's been reading every word you've typed onto WhatsApp. Every single word. And he hasn't said a thing. That is horrible.

Yikes, what a creep. Such an invasion of privacy. I'd be wondering how else he had been spying on me...think I would be tempted to search the bathroom for hidden cameras tbh.

Why should you have to leave your home!?
If it wasn't for you saying he had anger (cough* abuse) issues... I would tell you to tell him that you know and that he needs to leave immediately.

Though as is,maybe it's best to just get away fast and clean however possible.

He’s not a horrible guy , but what with this, secretive porn habits, a bad temper at times and a bit of a ‘my way or the highway Attitude’ - I feel enough is enough and this takes the biscuit.

He is a horrible guy. Those are horrible behaviours.

Do you genuinely think he is a kind person who behaves with respect and love towards you?

That's the least you should expect in a partner. Doesn't sound like he offers those things. And now on top of his existing behaviour he's invading your privacy too.

Is that what you want for the rest of your life?

Probably better to say he has some very good things, (very hard working, intelligent, reasonably high earner, attractive for his age, funny) mixed in with some extraordinarily shit things. Thing is I know single attractive women on here in their 40s or early 50’s initially would think they had ‘dropped on’ , whereas I know in late 50,s - it’s not the same, so I have to be happy to probably be on my own
My own

How is this even possible??

@Ihatesalad

Probably better to say he has some very good things, (very hard working, intelligent, reasonably high earner, attractive for his age, funny) mixed in with some extraordinarily shit things. Thing is I know single attractive women on here in their 40s or early 50’s initially would think they had ‘dropped on’ , whereas I know in late 50,s - it’s not the same, so I have to be happy to probably be on my own My own

Not comparing them directly (obviously!) but even Ted Bundy had some stuff going for him on paper!!

Good doesn't outweigh particularly bad things. Some things are dealbreakers.

My ex was hilarious, we had great sex and he was very successful. He also made me feel like shit, cheated on me, gaslighted me and hit me once, which was why I left him finally.

You don't have to be with a wanker because you're scared other people are going to be wankers. Being single is infinitely better than being with a wanker. You'll never even have to chance to meet a decent person if you stay with him.

I'd rather be on my own than with someone who spied on me. Let alone all the other shit things.

And the good qualities you've listed arent really good at all in comparison to him having a secret porn habbit, anger issues, having to have everything his way and to top it all off, friggin spying on you.

Looks and money mean nothing if the dude is also an angry, entitled, creepy bastard. It's a wash.

Thank you ladies- I think I’ve been waiting for the straw that broke the camels back and I think this is it— I actually feel quite calm , I’m fuming not just for the invasion of my privacy but for my friends too as their conversations are their too. For the lady who said how is this possible— it’s done off settings off my phone and a QR code to connect to his. Obviously done when my phone was lying around one day unlocked-/ you would only see it if you went into WhatsApp web on your settings on WhatsApp and you can then see another phone is connected

If he will do it when together it may well get worse when apart. Exh had told my teens that they had to hack into my phone and get passwords if I changed them for some time...

Wow. Didn't know that was possible tech wise (thanks for the tip)
H read a conversation of mine on WhatsApp some months ago - complicated situation and I was not as innocent in that particular case but still wholly unacceptable of him and I never forgave him. I felt (still do) really violated. I know how you must be feeling. It's awful.