Arguing Styles

[EternalOptimist7]

Obviously I hate arguing & thank goodness it happens a lot less with DH than it used to but sometimes I still feel somehow inferior when we fall out. He just has this way with him - hard to describe really. It kind of takes me back to being a child & feeling that I wasn’t being listened to so I tended to go on & on, which then made people switch off anyway! I feel as if I have to justify how I’m behaving eg if I’m in a bad mood, whereas he can just get on with it if he’s pissed off. And he infuriates me sometimes by telling me to calm down! Worst thing to say! How do you argue?

Funnily enough, I did try to hit an ex with a frying pan. Nobody has ever pushed me to my limits like he did!

Anyone else?

We try to stick to certain rules:
No name calling.
Stick to the subject.
No bringing up the past.
No bringing in another party - e.g. dm does this, df says that.
No hitting below the belt. Fight fair.
Don't argue to "win" but to find a solution that you can agree with.
Take turns in arguing - no talking over each other.

@Ruminating2020

We try to stick to certain rules: No name calling. Stick to the subject. No bringing up the past. No bringing in another party - e.g. dm does this, df says that. No hitting below the belt. Fight fair. Don't argue to "win" but to find a solution that you can agree with. Take turns in arguing - no talking over each other.

(...nah, fuck it. Frying pan xD )

In all seriousness though I think this way of doing things should really just be the unspoken way. People who mutually respect eachother just automatically solve arguments without drama or blaming or one person making the other feel small or unheard.

If my partner ever made me feel like I didnt have a right to my feelings or that I had to justify them...I'd be out the door. It reminds me too much of gaslighting and it just isn't ok. Bit then I have a low tolerance for anything infringing on my freedoms. Especially some condescending dick.

We don’t! We’re both peace keepers and solution-finders, so nothing ever gets to the point of being an argument. It helps that we agree on almost everything, and we also always want to put the other person first where we can. Nothing has come to an actual argument in the 10 years we’ve been together.

Actually I think arguing is the wrong word for what we do. It’s not often about disagreeing. A few years back we never sorted anything but now we can sit down later on & discuss what happened & how we both felt. wanderlusto DH can be a bit condescending but I give as good as I get whereas a few years ago, I took too much from him.