How to tell my friends and family about why I am leaving my DH?

[Bobbibruce]

Post leading on from my previous one regarding DH and porn.
If you have read my first post ...... how do I tell my family and friends? They all think he is wonderful. I have been married before to a complete narcissist of the worst kind. It took all my strength to leave him. I even felt sorry for him. I know I’ll even feel sorry for my current DH (Why? I have no fucking idea!) I also feel like I’m the failure in this situation. I know people who truly don’t know what went on will blame me for not being able to hold down two marriages. I feel like it would be very difficult to try and explain and that they would judge me, probably taking his side as he can do no wrong in their eyes. I’ve said before he is extremely good looking and all the women I know can’t see past that. They all flirt with him dreadfully but he is a creep. They don’t see it from my angle. His DC thinks he can do no wrong as well. Help!

Just say he's a porn addict and you deserve better?

"I've been unhappy for a long time now and the relationship isn't sustainable. I want to focus on being happy now."

If pushed after that:

"His interactions with other women were inappropriate and disrespectful. I want to move on and be happy."

If pushed after that:

"He's a creep and a lech and I'm sick of waiting for more examples of how little he respects women, from the young women he views online to his own partner - me."

I would tell my friends and immediate family what happened, all of it, because I am close to them but I appreciate that isn't always the case.

OP - you don’t need explain divorce other then to say you weren’t happy.
However - and I commented on your other thread - you only suspect he is using porn again, and only because spam appears in your email - which doesn’t have much to do with him.
As to being a creep - you certainly seem to think that. But there is little to go on in your other post as well.
You do keep mentioning your H being good looking and women flirting with him. Has that potentially ground up your self esteem over time and caused resentments?
Is the relationship broken down? Does it by now lack love and mutual support?
If yes - just go ahead and divorce and tell people that the two of you grew apart.

You don't have to justify your decision to anyone. It's none of their business.

Do you think people will assume it's your fault just because it's your second marriage?

I don't think people really think that way. Certainly not those who matter, at least.

My mother is my step father's fourth wife. He's a lovely man and makes my mum very happy. I've met 2 of the 3 exes and they seem bloody awful to be honest. Both very manipulative and two faced. Not sure why he put up with either of them for as long as he did. I suspect he had self esteem issues and thought he couldn't do any better? It's all speculation really. But the point is that I don't assume that he was the problem just because he's been married more than once. I think it much more likely that he had a habit of getting caught up with manipulative women because of some personal issues, and he eventually managed to work through those and started expecting better from a partner. I think this kind of scenario is often the case for people who have been married several times.

Just say it's personal stuff that you don't wish to embarrass him with. X

Hold on. Your previous thread was yesterday - you’ve decided in 24 hours?

Why are you friends with people who would blame you or take sides? I don't understand that at all. I do get that it's a bit trickier with family bit even so.

Tell them the truth, ' I realized that he wasn't what I would consider to be a good human and so I no longer want to share my life with him.'

Or tell them to bugger off. ' I was unhappy. As someone who loves me, I know you wouldn't me to be unhappy'

His issues and disorders are not who you are. Just because you are with him, loved him, trusted him does not mean you have meshed into his identity (perhaps some codependent traits within you cause you to believe this). So when you tell everyone who loves and cares about you the whole story, you owe it to your truth and recovery of him to do this, they will not see you as they see him. Just because you choose these damaged toxic men does not make you deserve harsh judgement as they do. You do not ask to be treated as you have. STOP PROTECTING/ENABLING arseholes who don’t deserve protection. Expose them and detach yourself. Love yourself and have a healthy relationship with yourself before you treat another to the whole new you.

@Fashio
No, I haven’t decided to leave him in the past 24 hrs. I’ve had thoughts of it on and off over the years because of his behaviour.