I'm at a loss..

[Theredone5]

I've been with a guy for just 6 months.

It hasn't been a bed of roses all of the time but there has been good times which have been amazing.

He has been single for a good number of years so is/was abit out of the loop with dating etc to start with.

There has been many little things that I just don't think ill be able to live with.

Here goes.

1. He lives an hour away from me.

1. He works shift pattern and mainly has days off during the week rather the weekend. I work full time 55 hours a week.

1. He isn't romantic despite me telling him what I like etc, he just isn't that kinda guy. I'd never want to change someone either.

1. We have been intimate but we met on the weekend & as we were going to dtd, he went soft and then announces potential Ed problem, which he has had for a number of years but hasn't sought help until now. I'm disappointed he didn't tell me sooner as I know how tough this can be in a relationship.
2. He is quite immature - since being single for ages he has just spent too much time alone so can be abit weird at times which makes me cringe 😬
3. We don't really share same interests although we do in music.
4. He has no drive , he has said he doesn't want to progress with him job. I must add he doesn't have a great job but could progress higher but he has no desire which is abit of a turn off for me anyway.

Now from all the above, it would scream AVOID from me but I do genuinely have feelings for him. I just can't let the above go and it's really hard. We have such good times but then I think about the above and then crumble.

I've invested time and so has he. He has said recently that he loves me. If I break things off with me, I'm not sure he will take it well as he said this previously.

We've had many chats about some of the above but it doesn't change tbh.

On paper he sounds great - mid 30s, no kids, never married, own house, own car and a job. But it certainly means nothing until you get to know the individual.

I'm just at a loss

I don't know if to follow my heart which says maybe try or head which says leave.

Can anyone give some advice.

Thank you

Well 6 months is sounds a bit shit from your description so I’d kindly call it a day, only fair on both of you.

Next.

If you can list all of that after just 6 months, then I'd leave it. That's too many negatives for me.

Also he's "good on paper" but that's not enough, the reality doesn't work for you. Just end it.

If I break things off with me, I'm not sure he will take it well as he said this previously

You've provided a long list of issues which all merit ending it.

But this stands out. Anyone exerting pressure on you by saying they won't take it well if you end it, is bad news.

I'd move on if I were you, thinking f you're feeling like this after 6 months I'd be surprised if this story had a happy ending. Wait until you meet that person you really click with and you'll thank goodness you didn't settle for 'maybe try'.

6 months is nothing! Project yourself forward 6 years from now...imagine how you'd feel if you'd stayed in this and things were no better (or worse!!)

You know what to do ➡️

6 months in? Let him go. He’s not for you.

It sounds like you’ve given it a go and (mostly) enjoyed getting to know him, but you’re not compatible in the long term. That’s what dating is for.

Concern over how he will react should never be a reason to stay with someone.

This is all true!
I need to end it as I don't think it'll get better. I can't change a person and he dosent even seem willing to change even if it was an option.

I think I know what to do now.

Read your message back op. Then leave.

he has just spent too much time alone so can be abit weird at times which makes me cringe

Death to a relationship this is. Cringing 6 months in means it's beyond the help of CPR now. I promise you.

"I've invested time and so has he. He has said recently that he loves me. If I break things off with me, I'm not sure he will take it well as he said this previously."

None of these are reasons to stay in a relationship - especially the last one!

Have you posted about him before?
I think it depends what you want. If you’re happy just dating with no end goal then fine. But if you want a future, maybe kids etc this is definitely not looking promising. I’d move on.

Its only been 6 months, he's not doing anything g with his life, he's set in his ways, he refuses to get help with his ED and you have no sex life . Just let him go. If its bad now it can only ever get worse. Eventually you will hate him.

Dating is a way of seeing if you are compatible. You are not.

Doesn't mean he's a bad person. There doesn't have to be terrible dramatics. You can just call it off.

6 months is nothing, do not invest any more time in him.

Your list should be the other way round. Number 1 shouldn't be a problem. Number 7 much more of an issue.

I just ended a 2.5 year relationship because of the exact same things I was concerned about at the 6 month point, I wish I had ended it after 6 months

I regret not following my head and ignoring my red flags or deal breakers because you are still in the early months of those strong warm and fuzzy feelings for them. It's a chemical process and given a little time away and perspective you will be glad you didn't settle.

Not to mention he like many people only show their best in the beginning to win over a partner. If you are put off by so many things already and lack a lot in common, it is only going to get worse. I'd walk away at this point. It's not going to magically get better just because you stick with him. Sorry.

Keep your standards high and vet potentials before you let yourself get to the stage of having the feels for the next guy. There are decent men out there. You could miss out on "the one" whilst wasting your time with the wrong person.

I wasted 20 years of my life with a similar guy. I really resent now being 60 and on my own when I could have found someone great. Don't settle, don't be me.
At the end of our marriage I couldn't look at him without being irritated and spent longer and longer at work. It was a relief when he went.
if a man felt the same about you as you do about your boyfriend he wouldn't give a damn about your feelings he'd just leave.

At 6 months it should be all fanny flutters and laughter.

Fuck that OP. Onwards!

We've had the chat & it didn't go as planned but he understood.
It's done and dusted.
Onwards and upwards now!
Thanks for all your input.
Roll on April 12th!!

Next. Time to move on OP. The fact that you are having any type of doubts screams 'not a good match'

When I met my DP I just knew that it was right... when you know... you just know ... absolutely non of what you've said here.

Time to call it a day, unless you just want to 'settle'

Oh OP I've just read your update.

It was for the best

Well done, it's hard when there are positives you can kid yourself are worth it for, but it's really not worth wasting any more of your life with someone who disappoints so soon.
Don't look back!