Just don't know what to do have had enough

[Itsallbull]

Please advise me

I need some strength, some fucking balls and I need to sort this out once and for all....

I have been and am in at times an emotionally abusive marriage. At times it can be borderline cruelty .

Always my fault. Always, always , always ...

Husband takes absolutely no responsibility for any of his behaviour towards me..

Never ever physical though . Not at all.

So.... tonight .

Okay, I have anxiety. Crazy , stupid and horrible anxiety. Sometimes depression too. Throw in what I believe to be PTSD that manifests itself as OCD and you have what husband believes to be a basket case...

Home is clean and well kempt, children are immaculate and all needs met , I am a great cook etc etc...

One thing though . I suffer with my mental health and it is the problem. He's not any support whatsoever. Never has been.

Tonight we have a blazing row. He accuses me
of messing up the children.

Not sure how much more I can take.

To reiterate though; this is entirely and completely verbal. Always.

I am so sorry! Do you have a support network? People you can talk to in real life?

Do you want out?

I'm a single mum and have been for a few years now and honestly, I'm living my best life! I do have a great support around me though which obviously helps- that's not to say you couldn't do it without...

Do you feel that your anxiety is either caused by or exacerbated by your H's emotional abuse?

Or does your anxiety predate having met him?

Are you currently being treated or medicated for it?

@Ihavehadenoughalready

Do you feel that your anxiety is either caused by or exacerbated by your H's emotional abuse?

Or does your anxiety predate having met him?

Are you currently being treated or medicated for it?

Thank you for your reply.

I do feel it's exacerbated, yes. However, I get days when it's so shit and all
I want is support. Yet I don't get anything.

I get told " I'm a big fucking baby and to grow up..." etc etc

He really doesn't care. And he says he's so concerned about the impact of
my mental health on the children: how it's affecting them etc cos they see me crying
and stuff. Which I realise is not good.

It's a mess

Bump

He sounds dreadful, an utter emotional abuser - no wonder you are struggling with your mh, anyone would be in your shoes.

Does he say these horrible things in front of the DC? They pick up on so much, blatant or subtle.

It isn't healthy for you or them, can you get him out of the house somehow & end the marriage?
💐

Goodness me, he sounds like a complete shit. I'm so sorry you are going through this. He does sound like an abuser. Have you ever thought about a get out plan or you imagine life being happy without him? You sound like a very capable mum and organised. He might not hit out but mean words and lack of support can cause the tears and anxiety. He should be your cheerleader not bringing you down. I can't stand men who do this. You deserve happiness.

It's been going on for years.

I am reaching a point where I cannot bear it any longer.

Yet he isn't horrible all the time but wow it's like a light switch when he does and he just literally flicks .

Hi OP. I'm so sorry you're in this position. It definitely sounds like an abusive relationship. (You said twice it's not physical abuse; it doesn't have to be physical for you to be in an abusive relationship).

I would wager that your mental health would significantly improve if he was not in your life.

It is really low of him to say that your behaviour will negatively affect your children. Your husband's behaviour towards you is far more likely to affect them than your anxiety is.

What outcome do you want? You say he isn't always horrible. Of course he isn't! Abusive people are never always abusive. There are always times when they seem nice or it seems like things improve for a bit, otherwise the partner would leave immediately! They see the 'abusive' person doing something nice or even just not being abusive for a day or two and think they've turned a corner, then before you know it, the abuse starts again. You're probably walking on eggshells because of it.

Please, for the sake of your mental health and that of your children, don't stay in an abusive relationship. It is far far better for kids to see their parents living separately yet happier/ safer than it is for them to be in the same household and witness abusive behaviour.

Women's Aid can help you, OP, if you want to reach out to them.

Take care.

I am so sorry you are suffering this. I had exactly the same I was with him 16 years and he worn me to the bone. He told me I was horrid as well and that everybody hated me and hit me for ten years.
Stupidly I had a child with him and put up with it all loving day by day pretending to the world we were the perfect couple even though the neighbours could here me scream.
Finally when our son was 1 he decided he didn't want to be a dad anymore and had an affair with my friends sister and said I was no fun as we couldn't go out. He told me he never wanted to marry me anyway.
This was my escape as I realised he never wanted me. Most sadly we had a stillborn before our son and this showed me all our life together was lies.
I was scared to death but I changed every lock and called the police and refused him entry. He was fuming and tried to come back several time.
I was lucky in the fact I had a very well paid job so could afford our home and childcare. I let him see his son for years but he still bullied me and used our son to get to me. As I got sole custody as he was never around and the violence I stopped contact
My son is 14 now and we haven't seen him for 6 years, it's been bliss and I have a wonderful man and 3 daughters. For years I thought it was me who had the issues like he is telling you but I now know it was his doing.
If you can use my story as strength. My son and I are both happy.

It's not just verbal. It's psychological abuse.

It's really likely that out of the abusive relationship your MH will improve. And it certainly will have little chance of improvement while you continue to be abused.

Speak to Women's Aid and work out an exit plan for yourself and the children. Verbal and emotional abuse is domestic abuse.

What are your barriers to leaving?