Does anyone else have a drama queen sister?

[Greengrassonhighroad]

My sister absolutely hates me and my guts. That's just her personality. She hates life, she hates people, she can't be happy in herself. She blames so many people for her unhappiness.

She's overly dramatic and completely over sensitive and just makes so much drama out of nothing. She implemented estrangement many years ago. The feeling was mutual and I respected the estrangement and the space she wanted. It looks to me after all these years that the estrangement was a tactic in control. She didn't want me to take it and be happy. She probably wanted me to be miserable without her.

I haven't seen her in years. Due to rounds of abusive messages from her, I took steps in changing my number and blocking her.

Just today I got a new fresh round of dirty, abusive, threatening emails. Out from nowhere. There must be something in her life that is triggering her and she lashes out at me. She doesn't get on with others in the family either.

I'm so disheartened because after all these years she still has so much dirt to dish onto my back. As if she expects me to fix things between us and fix her unhappiness.
No mellowing at all.

I would suggest either blocking and deleting OR writing back in a none threatening way to tell her your thoughts on the situation.

It sounds like shes quite poorly in her mind but this doesn't justify her actions towards you

Change your email address and phone number. Don't give it out to family unless you really trust them.

How do you think she obtained your email address?. If that was not changed previously this needs to be changed now.

Do not respond to any of her communications. What she wants from you is a response so you must not give this to her. This is because any response, no matter how carefully worded, will be seen by her as an attack and such people like nothing more than a fight and or the last word. It will also end your current no contact position with her.

It’s not your fault she is like this and you did not make her that way.

I have one like it. She once sent me a photocopy of a very long, handwritten letter she had written to our mum. I opened the envelope, read the first two lines which were just awful (to be fair my mum can be as horrible as my sister, but even so). I didn't want to read something mum probably thought was private between her and my sister so I stopped reading and threw it away. She asked me years later did I get it and I told her I hadn't read it because I didn't think it was any of my business.

It wasn't so much the words she used said that bothered me but the thought of the emotional energy that had gone into this 3 page diatribe. It was clearly something my sister needed to do but it seemed shabby and overdramatic to try and suck me into it.

I have the bare minimum of contact with my sister, she is an alcoholic, lost custody of her kids because of her drinking and refuses to take any responsibility for any of the things she’s done. Just gets angry with everyone else around her. she had been quiet recently but messaged me last week to tell me she had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and would be dead quite soon. After some digging my suspicions were confirmed and it turned out to be complete fabrication. I have decided to just cut all contact with her now, I feel bad for if but I can’t live with her constant attacks and guilt trips.

Confusedandshaken
My sister is similar. She sent me mail before the Christmas and it was a picture of an ex I had well over a decade ago and who is kot in my life and she didn't know him. I only ever told her of him when we were on good terms together. The man had nothing to do with our falling out so I don't know what her point was.

I never changed my email address. She emailed it today for the first time in a long time. I suppose before now she had other avenues.

I'm just shook with her email. It was one filled with insults and just shit. Before she told me I was dead to her. In today's email she told me that she was doing very well for herself and that she was earning over 800 pounds a week and she's going to buy a house soon. I don't know what she was doing. It wasn't a friendly email. I think she was trying to provoke a feeling of jealous in me because she believes I am jealous of her, even though I am not jealous of her. I just feel sorry for her. If she was so successful you would think she would just get on with it and be happy. She then left with her usual threats and it was designed to hurt me and leave me in fear. I just feel so so so sick. The woman hates me because I am alive.

AzureHawker1,
My sister is similar too. One of her messages a few years ago was telling me - 'you are dead to me'.

The years that followed had many messages from her including similar messages to yours informing me of sickness, spells in hospital, cancer, pregnancy, miscarriage - it's all just made up for attention.

Why wouldn't you change your email address?

Sounds like either histrionic personality, Narcissistic personality disorder, maybe even borderline personality disorder, or a combination.
Not unless it is another illness that affects the brain and personality and behaviour.

Whatever the type of issue or cause, this is not your fault. Nothing you have said or done has triggered this and you don't deserve this unfair and cruel abuse.

Remind yourself, You did not cause this. You cannot fix it. There is just something fundamentally broken in her mind. It is heartbreaking but it is the healthiest thing for you to let it go. Let her go. Don't feed her need for attention, by responding in any way. By letting her know you have read any of her warped unjustified hate, she wins and will just continue her best efforts to try and hurt you in any way she knows how, to twist things and blame you or others, to guilt trip, rewrite history, draw you in to arguments as you frantically try to defend yourself as you know you have done nothing that deserves this. She cannot be reasoned with. As pp said, no matter how carefully and well thought out any response will have the opposite effect of your intentions and what you really mean won't be heard. She needs the last word. She needs to know you are hurting or are jealous, or something else that fits her agenda. Have you heard of the term grey rock? If not look it up. It is a term for a technique on how not to give them an ounce of the supply (attention they need from you)

Sadly she, nor your relationship is fixable, but I do hope you can block her out of your life for good this time. Try not to let her poisonous words in. Change your email. Make the best of your own life and focus on the good relationships you have in your life.

It may help to read up on or watch trained psychologists videos YouTube videos that explain these drama queen and toxic types. They give advice and tips on how to deal with it all. It can be very validating to hear it is them and not you, and the meaning behind their behaviour and actions. It sounds like it comes from an insecure jealous core.

I am very sorry you are going through this again after having gotten distance and peace for a while. You will get there again. Best of luck.

If this wasn't your sister we would be suggesting going to the police and reporting her for harassment.

Thanks for the replies. I tried to fix things a few years ago. Around about 4 years ago. She was texting me a lot. Her messages were sprinkled with abuse, insults, threats and her issues and problems against me. So I decided to address some of them. I held my head and I was calm and polite and explained myself because she wanted to explain myself. It got me nowhere. She turned and twisted everything. The woman is impossible to deal with.

Looking back onto our youth, she always had a dirty, rotten, controlling personality. I can remember an episode where she took my duvet and she slept with two duvets while I had a light blanket and was cold in my bed. I know that's neither here nor there and not part of things. I have long come to realise that there is something with my sister. I'm not looking for a diagnosis but I suppose it might help me understand things a little bit more.

I feel so sick. I'm so shook because she continued her nonsense overnight. It came out of nowhere. I will be ignoring her. It's what I have done to date. It's hard not to. She threatening every aspect of my life and again. She never gets bored. I feel sorry for her. If she was doing so great that she felt the need to contact me and tell me, the person who is supposed to be dead to her, you would think she would be happy and get on with her own life. I don't understand that. She always claimed I was jealous of her and I never was and that's something I am not able to fix but she wants me to fix it and address. She wants me to have a heart and heart with her and tell her I'm jealous of her. I think maybe it was something where she was trying to provoke them feelings in me. It's not even only that. There was dirt, abuse and threats.

"Who is this?" then block.

It must be so hard for you OP.

I went NC with a sibling years ago, the behaviour was different to your sister but still very damaging and toxic and I couldn’t deal with it.
I spent a lot of years angry but I have come to a place of sadness now.
I just feel very sad for them as clearly there is something very very wrong with them.

I think it must be the same for your sister, it sounds like she has some real mental health issues going on. But either way, it’s not your responsibility to fix and it’s not your responsibility to be a punch bag either.

If you feel it would help you could reply back simply saying “please do not contact me again or I will report you for harassment” or you could just block her email for now and change yours.
Don’t give your number or email to anyone who would pass it on to her.

Sorry OP, this sounds incredibly hard. Have you ever access counselling? I spoke about my sibling quite a lot in therapy and it really did give me some peace and acceptance

This is pure harassment.

Personally I'd seek advice of local police and get an order if it's possible and necessary.

No-one should be sending any type of abusive communication whatever their intentions. And you deserve to live your life without fear, abuse and the need to continuously change your contact details to do so

You can set up a rule in your email account to send her emails straight to your Deleted folder. You'll never need to see it.

It's important not to engage with or respond to this crap.

You have my sympathies, no one can hurt you like a sister can.
You need to block her, don't reply, don't give her the satisfaction of letting her hurt you, ignore and continue with your life.
My sisters are more passive aggressive, they have not spoken to me this year, no fall out but they only contact me if they want a lift, a favour or to borrow money.
We only speak if I pop round to their's or ring them, they seem to have no thought or feelings for me outside of using me for their own ends.
I'm not going to contact them.
Both are now single parents & in debt massively, not through day to day living costs but due to store and credit cards, all of their problems are due to their bad decisions, they make the same mistakes over again.
Both work but will only work term time as they like the school holidays off, kids are late teens, 15 yrs & up, they will also only work in jobs that they enjoy.
They can't afford their rent but will buy bottles of wine, go out for lunch, book holidays etc.
They seem to begrudge what little I have, they think I'm sitting pretty and will run me down behind my back and on occasion screamed in my face.
They can't understand that I've worked hard and have not had the luxury of enjoying my job, its a means to an end.
I'm basically done and it feels good, people like that drag you down

You are so right. Thinking back on my past, I was hurt by the falling out with friends and break ups and crushes etc - normal life stuff. I had no one in my life hurt me as much as my sister has. She wanted to ruin everything I have - partner, job, family - everything.

She left and removed herself from the family. She was overly dramatic over pure nonsense issues. I think the estrangement was a control tactic. She wanted me and the rest of the family to run after her and fix our broken relationship.

All these years later she still wants me to fix things while she insults me and threatens me in the same line. She's scumbag. She had years to sort herself and her sick mind out. She loves holding the threat of my employed over my back and its all just to humiliate me. I'm so sick of her. The woman belongs in a padded cell. She's completely forgetting about old emails and old messages on old phones where she send me pictures of her body in her underwear, eventually moving on to naked tit pics. According to her I am jealous of her body.

The cops were fucking useless. The harassment has spanned over two different continents to other siblings too and its going to be interpol that will be taking charge now at this stage.

CHANGE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS AND PHONE NUMBER! Why you haven't already if it's gone on for years? Do you like the drama?

My number has been changed three times already. Only a few people has my number now. If she gets it again I will change the number again but I don't think she will get it. I'm not responsible for my other siblings not changing their numbers though and she contacts them too.

I find it hard to change the email address because its connected to so much. My social media is small.

Standard behaviour from a malignant narcissist (narcissistic personality disorder) or similar uster b personality.

Might be useful to read the 'but we took you to stately homes' threads on here. It's more about parents that are narcissists but theres probably ppl with other relatives on there too.

Block her on everything. Never respond.

*cluster b

I find it hard to change the email address because its connected to so much

Well like I said you can have her emails dumped straight into the Delete bin.