How to have a constructive discussion about your relationship (without a therapist)

[Maveta]

I recently spoke to my Mum and said I´d noticed her and Dad were sniping a lot lately and maybe they needed to have a chat about ´stuff´ (that might seem presumptious but there´s quite a history..), she said she´d told him she wants to sit down this weekend and talk some things over. All good news, hopefully. But today she gave me a list she´d made of things she wants to talk about during this chat. It´s an A4 sheet of complaints about him/ the way he is/the way he acts etc. (2 columns!)

So straight away I can see it´s going to be another disaster. They will not see a relationship counsellor, and they won´t split up, that is all taken as read. My mum is pretty receptive to any ideas or suggestions I can chuck her way, if anyone has any ideas of how she would be better off approaching this in order to get a better reaction from Dad would be great. Cos if she storms in with her list, I can´t see it going down very well and nothing will be acheived..

I think the only way to do this is one talks whilst the other is quiet. Then when your mams time is up she has to return the favour, also instead of 'you get on my nerves, you are always out fishing or what ever' she could say, I get lonely when you are fishing and I am on my own, ie. she isn't just nagging but quantifying her reasons. I hope that helps.

Oh, and maybe get her to just talk about her top 5 griefs not all 120 of them

Relate have done some pretty good books on relationships. Maybe buy her one of those? Lots of exercises, lots of ideas. If she's keen on books, they might help?

The BBC website has some good ideas on this:

here