Fed up

[cantdorightforwrong]

We have a bit of a strained relationship with MIL.
Things have been improving and we have been in regular contact during lockdown and finally thought we might get to the point where she wants to know her grandchild.
Yesterday we were told that she apparently said our child is a spoilt brat in relation to a conversation about Easter. We haven't spoken for a fortnight so she doesn't even know what she did or didn't get for Easter but has decided she's a spoilt brat who will have more chocolate than she needs!
The spoilt topic seems to be mentioned to others every so often because she does lots of activities (well did pre lockdown).
What makes a child spoilt ?
Why would a grown adult (almost 70) tell people her grandchild is a spoilt brat?

Well, assuming you dont actually spoil your child...

Best guess, because granny is a narcissist (narcissistic personality disorder) and using the golden child vs scapegoat dynamic.

By that I mean she makes one person the golden child (usually their kid but can be anyone: grandchild, neighbour, sibling ect) - who cannot do anything wrong in her eyes. Who is praised and loved. And picks someone else as the scapegoat who she can belittle, slag off and treat like shite. She may even play the two of against eachother directly.

Keep your daughter away from her. I say this as the grandchild of a narcissist.

And to give an example, my gran had three daughters. My mum was her golden child and another of the three was the scapegoat.

When my mum married, my gran took an instant dislike to dad. When I was born I became number one scapegoat. For context, I was a quiet and caring child but she went out of her way to belittle me. She would call me a 'horrible unfelial child' for example. And would tell my mother (still the golden child) that I had done things I hadn't ect...

Horrible old bat, she was.

It maybe be your mother in law has singled you and your kid out to be scapegoats.

Thanks for the reply Wanderlusto.
No not spoilt if you compare her to a lot of children we know. Possibly did/does do more extra curricular activities than some but again compared to others less.
If she wants something and we don't believe she needs it then she will use her own money.
In relation to your gran disliking your dad. She actually doesn't/didn't like me (I was told I made her son, leave her! He wanted to move out and us two set up like most children do) and reading further my child seems like you, well behaved, quiet, caring and excels in school and a couple of her activities.

Yeh I dunno if they have specifics for whom they choose to be what tbh but it's very possible she has chosen you two as scapegoats. Which is hard enough I'm sure for grown ups, let alone kids.

It can be just as damaging to be the golden child too of course (unrealistic expectations, fear of messing up and then ending up being treated like the scapegoat child ect...).

It basically sucks to have people like this in your life in any capacity tbh. Because they are disorderd, manipulative and intent on causing drama and distress.

Does your husband stand up to her? Protect you? Take your side over hers?