We are currently still co-habiting after agreeing the marriage is over.
It’s an extremely complex situation. DH had cancer very recently. Both sadly agreed marriage is over. It had failed before his illness. Now deciding what to do. I’ve offered to go to Relate to help process everything and work out next steps. He doesn’t want to.
DH recently kept touching my thighs when I was sitting down. In response I said I needed physical boundaries and that a hug sometimes as friends was ok but nothing more. He continued to touch my legs and on another occasion kissed me on the lips after saying ‘Let me know if you want a bonk sometime’. This was after a conversation in which we’d been honest (some time after breaking up) about how hard sex was for both of us in the marriage. I felt it was totally inappropriate what it led him to say and do.
He also went into my emails, including deleted emails bin.
He wants me to move out, but I don’t want to. He doesn’t want to either. We will need mediation. He asked me what I had in mind for residency split and I said 60/40 as I’ve been their primary carer. He said I’m forcing him out and am ‘royally f*ing him up the arse’. But I’m not even asking him to leave. He has asked me to leave and says he should stay in the house (implicitly because he’s been ill, I think). I don’t earn enough to rent, currently. Im part-time and my pay is quite low. He earns 70k. I am concerned about his health and so continued to co-habit as separate in the house to give everyone time to find their feet.
I suppose it may not sound abusive, but there is something subtly coercive/controlling in his dynamic with me that a friend also sees and doesn’t like. I wish I had a nearby relative to stay with, it feels damaging to my emotional health. He also doesn’t hold back on angry discussion of divorce in front of DC (6, 3).
Not sure what to do.