Was exDP a complete dick about this?

[surprisestepmother]

Have nc for this as very outing.

ExDP and I split 7 years ago when DC were 2 and 6. He moved countries a couple of years later and has only seen DC a handful of times since, calls them fairly infrequently, doesn't support them financially at all. He and I really have nothing to talk about and don't communicate any more unless vital.

Yesterday, he rang DC and had a very banal conversation with them for about 5 minutes then suddenly put on this weird fake excited voice and said 'Hey guys, guess what? You have a new stepbrother! And a new stepmother!' Then after a minute or so more of chat, he just ended the call.

The whole thing was completely bizarre and the kids were a mixture of disinterested and wtf. I sort of downplayed it and luckily we had friends over for lunch so DC were distracted, but am I wrong in thinking that this was a crappy way for him to tell them?

Yep a crap father, more of a sperm donor isn't he really?

Yeah crappy. They are not the dc's step anything if he doesn't see them. He sounds like a stranger to them.

Yeah he thinks he's a great dad but he's particularly shit tbh.

I thought it was such a shitty way to tell them. It was just lucky that they weren't upset, more slightly perplexed, really!

He also said that the DC are going to his country to stay with him and 'their stepmother'.

😂😂😂😂

Wonder how long it will take him to organise and pay for that then???

@RandomMess

😂😂😂😂

Wonder how long it will take him to organise and pay for that then???

Exactly!

Although he said the NSM lives in quite a swanky place so maybe she has loads of cash.

He will be thrilled when you explain that the DC need passports, suitcases, clothing and he needs to come over and sort all that out for them and accompany them on the flight both ways and have to be when they still have 2 weeks off school afterwards and pay for isolation hotel if required...

Somehow I don't think it will happen!

Epically shit. My ex tried to “surprise” my DC with a new sister by casually asking me if he could collect them from school after not bothering with them for months. He was just going to turn up at school, tell them he was collecting them and let them get into the car to see a baby sitting there. Unluckily for him I had heard on the grapevine about the new baby and new when it was due so I knew exactly what he was up to and said no. He never actually did get round to telling them about her.

Yes I won't be booking my solo holiday just yet, I don't think...

What an absolute prick. I predict the Super step mum will end up pregnant soon and that'll be the last you hear from him.

Well I keep my fingers crossed for you anyway

@UhtredRagnarson

Epically shit. My ex tried to “surprise” my DC with a new sister by casually asking me if he could collect them from school after not bothering with them for months. He was just going to turn up at school, tell them he was collecting them and let them get into the car to see a baby sitting there. Unluckily for him I had heard on the grapevine about the new baby and new when it was due so I knew exactly what he was up to and said no. He never actually did get round to telling them about her.

Oooh that's impressively crap as well! Glad I'm not the only one.

@NYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYN

What an absolute prick. I predict the Super step mum will end up pregnant soon and that'll be the last you hear from him.

Well I keep my fingers crossed for you anyway

I'd take that as a win tbh. Poor DC though.

How do you think he should have told them?

It's crap he doesn't have much contact - the ideal would be for the new wife to be gradually introduced before they got married - but given that he is now married, I'm not sure what he could have done differently. If he had mentioned a new girlfriend on that call, but not said they were married, you would have found it weird if you later found out they were already married. I think not telling them about it during that phone call would have been just as bad...

I hope your kids are feeling OK.

My son found out that he had a new sister when my ex picked him up for a father/son day out... and took him to our local hospital's SCBU, where his (allegedly) premature half-sibling was in one of the incubators. My son was 4 at the time. And developed a semi-phobia of hospitals as a result (which has been interesting, as he's needed several surgeries in the years since - and completely panics).

The half-sibling is now 12 and a lovely child who adores her big brother, but at the time? Ex and I were still together until an hour before our son met her (that was a phone call to tell me our 20 year plus relationship was done and dusted!) and he'd been thrilled by the prospect of a day swimming and junk food for lunch at the local sports centre, so...

On the plus side, I can't see him treating a wife or girlfriend as shittily as his father treated us, so there is that. And he has a great stepmother and two younger siblings who think the sun shines out of his (16 year old, untidy, often argumentative, rude) backside, too, which I think is a good thing.