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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

POSITIVE THREAD What was the best thing you did for yourself when your marriage/relationship ended?

46 replies

clairemelon · 05/04/2021 17:59

Just that really!

I painted my shed bright pink, lost weight and realised how lucky I was that I no longer had to wipe up droplets of wee from the loo floor! LOL!

OP posts:
BuddhaAtSea · 07/04/2021 15:00

I moved close to work, so now I can just walk.
I bought a flat and it’s really really nicely decorated.
I had lots of parties and friends round.
I can do whatever and go wherever whenever I want.
I have absolute freedom in choosing what I eat, when I eat. Same with watching.

Basically, I am FREE.

Mumoblue · 07/04/2021 15:15

My ex and I still live together for various reasons (though he’s looking to move out) and already I’m enjoying myself much more.
I no longer have to tiptoe around his moods or remind him to do simple tasks like brush his teeth or remember his family’s birthdays.
I take our son on walks and out in the garden.
When we first split I got a really nice haircut but 2nd lockdown kinda ruined it!

I’m actually excited to be living on my own. Smile

clairemelon · 07/04/2021 15:26

These are just so great to read !!!
I take my son on holiday alone now and we always have a fabulous time. There are zero arguments, no whinging over flies at the pool, no watching the ex fiddle with his nose hairs whilst being grumpy and no stresses is the plane is a nano second late!
Bright colours festoon my house where as his and the new partners house is every shade of grey and 1970's furniture. No wonder she looks damn miserable now too ! ;)

OP posts:
themancunian · 07/04/2021 16:12

Redecorated the house, went on a couple of spontaneous city breaks, threw myself into plenty of summer festivals and road trips, got promoted and had loads of sex with a younger man. Was absolutely brilliant!!

Guiltypleasures001 · 07/04/2021 17:15

Got my nipples pierced Grin

Dramalady52 · 07/04/2021 17:32

Bought my own home and decorated it to my taste, tattoo, finally visited the Edinburgh fringe festival and went on a few all inclusive holidays, also took a year off work just for the hell of it! Haven't organised the younger men for sex yet, been having too much fun in other ways 🙃

Graphista · 07/04/2021 17:49

Got my 2nd degree. He'd spent the year prior to split telling me it would be a waste of time even trying as it would be too much with a young child, I was too old (I was early 30's!), it'd be expensive with the loans, and that I'd probably fail anyway as I wasn't as clever as I thought!

Well...I had a FANTASTIC time on the course both academically and socially, and I got a 2:1 narrowly missing out on a 1st (which I'll admit does annoy me - whole other thread)

His face when dd told him (unprompted by me but I had of course told her the news in a way she understood) at a handover was an absolute picture! 

@PussGirl LOVING the idea of a divorce ring - I've been divorced almost 20 years, too late to get one? I no longer have my engagement and wedding rings though, had to sell them due to his not paying maintenance and wiping out the bank accounts! I'm not even exactly sure of my divorce date as I was way too busy with uni at the time it came through. Anyone know how I can find this out? I've lost the papers.

@Ohnomoreno if you're unhappy do it! I seriously think it's time we celebrated happy singledom more! Not only would women be happier but if men KNEW we didn't need them maybe they'd behave a damn sight more deserving of us!

Basically, I am FREE.

Exactly!

I stayed celibate for about 5 years after we split, I just wasn't up for another relationship or even a fling, but I made up for lost time later Wink

Meanwhile he - is remarried to ow, I have it on fairly good authority that both are miserable in different ways but both feel unable to split. They have a large family, which I know he never wanted, are broke, knackered and he looks dreadful (fat, balding, greying, jowly, skin looks appalling, they both look older than me and I'm a fair bit actually older than her) - hmm schadenfreude moi?? Grin

Great idea for a thread op. A good one to point those mners who are miserable but afraid of taking the plunge in the direction of

FuckYouCorona · 07/04/2021 17:52

Bought a house that he wasn't legally entitled to enter & abuse me in. Still the best house I ever owned!

Ohnomoreno · 07/04/2021 17:56

@Graphista yeah that would just make me a crappy person though. He's done nothing wrong. I just hate this domestic drudgery.

Purplecatshopaholic · 07/04/2021 18:30

Bought lovely new, expensive, bedding without the usual nagging about the price. Relaxed in the luxurious silence of my house without his negativity and verbal abuse dragging me down. It was bliss frankly.

RabbiTouch · 07/04/2021 18:45

The best thing? Doing things the way I want to do them. Having control over my own life. I still feel the utter joy of being without him, after all this time.

kennelmaid · 07/04/2021 18:54

Lost 3st in weight, came off anti-depressants and went to see my DS in Australia.

fedup078 · 07/04/2021 19:17

Oh I can buy expensive gin without him stealing it and denying all knowledge

chickadeeeeeeeee · 07/04/2021 19:24

My god this makes me smile Smile

Sideorderofchips · 07/04/2021 19:52

Priority was to buy a new bed

36degrees · 07/04/2021 20:02

Lost 3 stone, shagged his best mate (bit childish but was good!!) and couldn't afford a new bed because he cleared out our bank account including the loan I had taken out to repair our roof, but I threw out all the bedding and got new stuff. And I kept the pets.

TirisfalPumpkin · 07/04/2021 20:15

New bed & mattress. Totally redone the garden and just waiting for it to be full of beautiful flowers come summer.

Dismantled the man cave.

StartingAfresh21 · 07/04/2021 20:48

I planned my escape. He wasnt a violent husband just a control freak who hid money from me. I will exact my revenge by being me through and through. I left Australia and moved back to UK. Although I now have a problem finding a lawyer to do a settlement case and get what is mine,my hubby is hiding something and wont use a lawyer. I dont want the financial settlement he has offered as I think he is hiding so much more. Getting away from him was the best thing I ever did

Mayzee · 07/04/2021 21:34

Bought a big king size bed and made my bedroom a sanctuary wiped clear of memories of him. Lost 3 stone, came off antidepressants, bought a new car and cleared my overdraft without him draining me financially, started dating -all of this has been achieved in the last year despite the pandemic and him begging for another chance at every turn.

ladamanera · 07/04/2021 21:46

Lost weight, lost a daily deadening feeling of annoyance that had made me worried I was as miserable as he said I was, bought and decorated a brand new house, chucked out or returned his student crap, bought a fuckton of potatoes to cook with (he hated them), had mindblowing sex, got a therapist, upgraded the nanny to a parttime housekeeper to help me continue to go to work, reduced contact with his tiresome mother (he has to take the kids to see her now), witchily sage-cleansed and marie kondoed the house, and enjoyed the silence where “where have you put my socks” used to be.
Now I still have loads of admin and house stuff to do and am in half the week evenings, but because there’s not a manchild dodging any work, I accept its my job as the only adult and do it without drama. I’m down about £500 a month in contributions now CMA is factored in but his income isn’t- but it was well worth the hit.
Sometimes I am lonely. But never lonely for him. Drunkenly getting back together with him is my stress dream.

Sillyduckseverywhere · 08/04/2021 09:17

@36degrees

Lost 3 stone, shagged his best mate (bit childish but was good!!) and couldn't afford a new bed because he cleared out our bank account including the loan I had taken out to repair our roof, but I threw out all the bedding and got new stuff. And I kept the pets.
Haha I shagged the best mate too Grin He destroyed my confidence and left me homeless. Few things hurt him bit I know that did. Wink I said nothing. I know eventually his mate would have told him. I hold grudges and play the long game
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