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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Ex BF problems help

22 replies

PaddyJoyce95 · 05/04/2021 12:19

Hi all long time follower of MN. Found the advice great have never had the courage to message on here until now.

Basically I got dumped by my bf just before the lockdown started by text, the night before I was due to meet his family. Then we reconnected just as the lockdown eased.

However, it later transpired he'd been cheating on me the whole time... he is 30 I'm 25. He was living with his parents over lockdown his father has cancer and he was going round getting the ride throughout. I bet his mum is devastated.

My heart absolutely breaks for his mum and dad. How could anyone do something so reckless and selfish.

Should I tell his mum like in a letter or something as I don't want to risk giving them covid or anything?

I don't love the guy or want revenge but this is a serious breach of trust. He also has a coke problem and is a teacher

Any advice would be great thanks

OP posts:

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 05/04/2021 12:23

Walk away. Not your problem anymore. His parents have bigger things to worry about than whether he was cheating on you I'm afraid. He's not really putting them at risk by spending time with one other person, so unless its huge orgies or a string of women he's been sleeping with, it sounds like you're using the covid justification to tell on him to his mum. Just leave it and walk away with your head held high. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

1992EM · 05/04/2021 12:24

I wouldn't put any more pressure on his Mum. It isn't her fault and sounds like she has enough to deal with. He sounds like a waste of space and you are well out of that one. If you are in Scotland you can report the drug issue to GTCS if you know his school. I am sure other parts of the UK have similar teaching bodies. I would be really concerned if a teacher was doing drugs and in charge of children. Sorry you have had to go through this . He sounds very immature and selfish .

ComtesseDeSpair · 05/04/2021 12:26

Don’t waste your time or energy. His mum and dad won’t put a “getting him into trouble” text from a short term girlfriend they never met over their son. If he’s a teacher and has been going out to see people during lockdown then they’ll be aware of it already, they’ll be more than aware he hasn’t been at home 24/7.

Block his number, lick your wounds, move on, have your wits about you next time so you don’t end up repeating the mistake.

DioneTheDiabolist · 05/04/2021 12:27

You know what he is like, walk away, don't look back, don't further burden his parents. They have enough on their plates.

Original poster

PaddyJoyce95 · 05/04/2021 12:28

I am not concerned by his cheating as he done that before lockdown while we were together.

I am concerned that he put his vunerable father at risk this was right at beginning of lockdown. He is endangering the poor man's life

OP posts:

PanamaPattie · 05/04/2021 12:30

None of your business. Walk away.

1992EM · 05/04/2021 12:32

His Mum will know what he is like and the fact he has been out the house. Telling her won't achieve anything. She is always going to stick by her son . He is what he is and best you found out now than years into a relationship. He isn't worth it .

SandyY2K · 05/04/2021 14:26

I agree with pp. Leave them to it. There's nothing to gain.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/04/2021 14:30

FGS, stay out of it. None of this is any of your business.

Crimeismymiddlename · 05/04/2021 14:34

Nothing to gain, the beginning of lock down was a long time ago. I get the need for revenge-please stop kidding yourself that you want to tell his parents out of concern, they know the son they have. It sounds like you are well out of it and now it is time to move on.

nimbuscloud · 05/04/2021 14:36

Why would you tell his mother?

Wanderlusto · 05/04/2021 14:52

Well it's likely his mum knows considering she lives with him. Or at least suspects.

Keep out of it or you'll just be portrayed as a crazy, jealous ex.

Sunflower1970 · 05/04/2021 19:05

@PaddyJoyce95

I am not concerned by his cheating as he done that before lockdown while we were together.

I am concerned that he put his vunerable father at risk this was right at beginning of lockdown. He is endangering the poor man's life

Not your problem. You need to get a life of your own

Tallybeebloom · 05/04/2021 19:09

Agree with PPs, walk away and leave his family be. You're well shot of him so just move on. The fact you are also mentioning that he does coke and is a teacher suggests that it is definitely about revenge and not for their wellbeing, you want to out him for who he is but you're just giving them grief at a time when it's the last thing they need.

Cherrysoup · 05/04/2021 19:29

Tell his mum? Because you’re what, 5? Why would you want to add to her problems? She isn’t in control of his actions. Just walk.

SunnySideUp2020 · 05/04/2021 19:50

None of your business. Not your bf anymore. Get a life seriously

Monr0e · 05/04/2021 19:53

Your heart is breaking for people you haven't even met? I'm sure they know what he has been doing already.

Not your circus, not your monkeys. Just stay well out of it.

category12 · 05/04/2021 19:54

Not your circus, not your monkeys. You're just going to make yourself look like a bunny-boiler.

CaesarsDream · 05/04/2021 19:59

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Best advice. Don't entertain this man any further by getting involved in his familial affairs. However, if you know which school he teaches at I'd report him anonymously. I wouldn't want my child being taught by a cokehead.

expectopelargonium · 05/04/2021 20:02

Keep right out of it.

Unless you want to anonymously tell his school governing body that he has a coke habit, of course.

CaesarsDream · 05/04/2021 20:17

@category12 You're just going to make yourself look like a bunny-boiler.

I agree the OP will make herself look silly if she contacts his DPs, however the term bunny-boiler is a highly derogatory, misogynist term for women who refuse to tolerate disrespect from men. That term is almost always used to subjugate women.

SunnySideUp2020 · 05/04/2021 21:30

"He has a coke problem and is a teacher" but that didn't bother OP much before she got dumped, did it?

So how is this relevant? Also how is she gonna prove it? She will just look like the bitter ex.

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