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Original poster

Met someone so much in common yet no attraction

14 replies

Hobbitjar · 05/04/2021 11:57

He is funny and great to talk to. Got a few issues with ex in regards to kids and trying to co parent but I have too with an absusive ex. He is very laid back and already what I see is what I get which wasn’t the case with my ex he is a total 100% narcissist but I fancied he is so attractive lots of girls like him to look at but from what I found out they all finish with me for his behaviour which is abusive but emotional.

Now I have no idea what to do with this guy I’m enjoying his company and chats but that’s it I don’t feel anything at all like excitement butterflies and that I want to kiss you in fact I don’t want to kiss him at all.

OP posts:
category12 · 05/04/2021 12:00

Seems like a nice friend.

Original poster
Hobbitjar · 05/04/2021 12:03

Yes but he texts me every morning with hello beautiful and I just say morning hope you are well. It’s such a shame really as so far he is really good. My ex love bombed totally and I see it now but my goodness this guy doesn’t at all, he may text that but that’s it he hasn’t told me he loves me like my ex within weeks and I thought I met my prince. Turned out he just mirroring me and all my likes to is guy has his own hobbies and games and doesn’t pretend to like what I do. I’m just cautious

OP posts:
ThebirdsAndBeesWhereThere · 05/04/2021 12:04

How long have you known him?

I didnt 'fancy' my DP but over the month when we first dated I grew to find him very attractive because of who he is.

CaesarsDream · 05/04/2021 12:13

Receiving good morning texts that say "Hello Beautiful" would give me the ick.

You can't really help who you are attracted to unfortunately, but you can avoid/navigate narcs because you know their game play. That is one of the reasons why I've chosen to remain single - I seem to attract these types. Or maybe I'm/was attracted to them.

And the new guy whose company/conversation you're enjoying - you really can't know at this stage whether or not he is genuine.

Rozziie · 05/04/2021 20:42

I can't stand those generic 'hello beautiful' or 'good morning' texts. It's low effort and pointless. I like when people text but it has to actually have some content, something meaningful. Like if we had been discussing something and he sends me a link to an article about that thing or mentions something funny that happened...basically anything to show he actually listens to me and wants to get to know me instead of pointless generic crap he would send to anyone. And it's worse if you feel obliged to reply to these messages. I used to get this:

'Hello beautiful xx'
'Hope you're having a good day xx'
And then some generic stupid Tiktok video about nothing

etc.

It would just feel like a chore and I'd dread getting the messages - the total opposite of what you want in a new relationship!

Wanderlusto · 05/04/2021 21:47

Morning texts irritate the shite out of me too xD

Also you could argue it's a bit full on from a guy you arent even in a relationship with.

You has your boundaries stepped on for years and as a result they probably still aren't where they need to be. You don't owe anyone anything just because they happen to be being nice to you.

You don't fancy him. That's that.
You deserve to find someone you are heas over heels for. Anything less than that is not good enough.

Marineboy67 · 05/04/2021 21:59

Please tell the guy exactly how you don't feel! Nothing worse than having an unrequited live interest in someone that doesn't feel the same. Let him find someone who will return his feelings. Don't let him pursue you for any longer.

Marineboy67 · 05/04/2021 21:59

Love interest....

SelkieBoru · 05/04/2021 22:01

I'd find the first thing in the morning messages a bit of a love bomb tbh.

You haven't said you're attracted to him, but he's acting like it's a thing.

You have to back off.

Sally2791 · 05/04/2021 22:16

Don’t let him take the lead

CaesarsDream · 05/04/2021 22:53

Agree with PPs that morning texts and calling you beautiful so early on when you're not even in a relationship yet is really OTT.

And you are not obliged to stick around or force yourself to become attracted to him either.

If you feel it won't work out definitely send a message to let him know and call this episode a learning curve.

Original poster
Hobbitjar · 06/04/2021 13:39

Well we may have things in common and he is funny but he called earlier that his ex has been ranting on the phone to him and telling him all about her new boyfriend and they have trouble with contact with kids etc and then he is said I speak to her more than you !! What! I’m busy I’m a mum plus why should I be involved in that drama. His ex Sounds crazy calling him to rant. I like him as a friend but now will have to tell him I’m not ready for all this. I don’t like ghosting either

OP posts:
Wanderlusto · 06/04/2021 13:50

HE sounds crazy calling you to rant about his ex.

And doing that thing where he tries to make you feel the need to prove you are a nice, caring person. Unlike his ex (according to him).

So he has shown his cards now - he is a manipulative shit. And he is NOT your friend.

Wanderlusto · 06/04/2021 13:52

Just tell him it's too full on for you and you arent feeling it, wish him all the best and then block him.

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