Overthinking much

[isthisthelife]

Overthinking much

Hey guys

Matched with someone on Bumble and we got along very well. First time meeting was in my house and we had sex and hung out. Same for second time. We’ve been out on a walk twice after then and it was nice. I like him.

He’s in the middle of a divorce- says he’s done with the emotional bit (separated in 2019) but he’s worried about the financial bit. He wants to keep the house but it’s difficult, he’s going to need a loan etc. I try to provide as much support as I can by being there and listening.

Thrice, he’s cancelled our meet ups. First time because he had to dogsit and subsequent times because he was mentally stressed, overwhelmed and worried about the finances, career, divorce etc. I have great sympathy for him but I’m starting to feel unsure. I don’t do well with inconsistencies and unreliability- it triggers my anxiety.

We were meant to meet up last Saturday and he cancelled (third of 3 times)- he’d gone on a walk the previous day and gotten lost with his dog. All these made him frustrated and he realised how shit his life was etc. I cancelled a date to spend the Saturday with him (didn’t tell him this), so I was gutted- I might have cried a bit. No contact apart from cancelling on Saturday (we talked everyday), he messaged on Sunday to tell me his plans (visit his parents) and I replied. No contact so far today. I don’t know if to just give him space.

Oh. I asked on Saturday if him and I were too intense for him and he answered “no” and that he was “into it” (it is whatever we are doing). Just a bit exhausted, I guess. I feel like withdrawing is the best bet for me right now because I don’t want to end up in yet another unrequited, messy situation.

What do you guys think?

TLDR- why can’t things just go smoothly for me?

He's not ready for a new relationship and you don't need all this shit . There are plenty more fish in the sea !

Personally I just wouldn't put up with this level of being messed about! I think of a relationship is actually going to become that, it starts smoothly and remains that way. I would follow up the other dates and be glad you aren't already deeper in with him.

Well I think you're a bit over-invested and you shouldn't really be providing emotional support to him at this stage. He sounds a bit of limp lettuce (or feeble excuse-maker if on the one hand he claims to be over the divorce and next minute he's cancelling because of the divorce).

You've only met four times - cancelled three times. So of 7 possible meetings, he's cancelled on you almost half the time That's an absolutely shit batting rate.

It's your own time you're wasting.

Why on earth did you invite a complete stranger into your house and have sex with him during a pandemic of all things! Take it more slowly next time and get to know someone first.

Why on earth didnt you bolt at the second cancellation? The dude is either batshit mental having some sort of breakdown or telling you total rubbish and messing you around. Or still married/seeing other women.

Come on op raise your standards. Cancelling 3 dates in a row like that is not ok. Ever.

You surely knew it was a risk sleeping with him so easy on? Well now come the consequences.

Untangle yourself and block him.

I wouldn't put up with date cancelling once let alone three times! Who wants a scatterbrain who can't organise his time or worse no respect for your time!
He will keep treating you like this for as long as you let him. Carry on with your own plans and don't be so easily available for men.

He’s treating you poorly and as a PP said, you should have told him where to go after the cancelled the second time. Throw this one back and find someone else who doesn’t set off your anxiety.

Sex on your first couple of dates, perhaps he's had his quota and is just making excuses as a getaway.

Him mentioning he needs a loan...is he setting this up to ask you for it?

@Marineboy67 you might be correct. I've deleted his number now though. That's it done.

@Kollamoolitumarellipawkyrollo I fucking hope not. As if I have any money to spare 😂

Lol 'I cant meet you because I got lost on a dog walk yesterday' Did ye aye? ...ok pal.

He sounds like a draining vampire anyway op.

You're only a few dates in and it's clear the guy has issues up to his eyeballs. Run for the hills!

@Wanderlusto so they told me about getting lost etc and I asked if they needed time to recuperate. This was their reply "I think I need the day 😅 I felt quite weird yesterday and it seems to be continuing today. Think all my frustration about the divorce, fucked up career etc is starting to bubble over a bit"

Omg. You have sex just like that? In your house with a stranger who could've been anyone? OP, that really is dangerous. Forget him and swear to proceed much more carefully next time maybe?

He’s flaky as fuck. He’ll always be flaky as fuck. Onwards and upwards!

Too much baggage. You dont want to end up his emotional and financial carer do you? Because he is setting you up to drain you dry in every way he can.

And is flaky af to boot.

Plenty more fish in the sea. Though it sounds like maybe you need to take some time single to do some self work... like learning how to spot users. Because this guy seems to have got far too close too easily to you and you've gave him so many passes even in the early days.

Glad you are blocking him. You don’t need the shit