Impatient or are feelings valid

[abstracted]

My bf of nine months has been unwell for possibly two/ three months of our new relationship .
He has been to Dr and has had three courses of antibiotics/ steroids/ pain relief for respiratory viruses / bacterial infections .
I am finding it hard .
I recognise that this could be seen as selfish.
Each day, he has different complaints .
Headaches, breathlessness and general malaise.
He is a wonderful boyfriend. Caring, thoughtful attentive , funny etc.
I was delighted to meet an equal at last.
BUT, the constant ailments and reports of his unwell ness is beginning to grate.
We can't do too much anyway due to covid restrictions but it's wearing.
He has been under huge pressure at work and wonders at times of f he is also low because of that. He has been off work for four weeks due to illness during this time .
He has had anxiety in the past and spoke about low level depression being a possibility. I am Crazy about him and don't expect life to be a bed of roses.
Our sexual relationship hasn't suffered too much and his form
When we are together is generally good.
I hope this general ill health will end but at the moment I can't do another weekend of sickness/ complaints and ' I'll be ok' conversations .
Am I Selfish or impatient or justified ? We are late forties .
What are your thoughts please ?

Your not being selfish, it sounds tiresome. The poor guy can’t help being unwell, although it does sound like mindset could be involved - but you don’t have to selflessly sign up for nursemaid duties.

Has he got a history of health problems or is it recent?

YANBU. But this is who he is and what life with him will be like. I was in this situation and it got very old - also he was terrible whenever I was ill, just couldn't cope with it happening to someone else. Finished the relationship, no regrets.

He has viruses & bacterial infections but you’re still having sex?

If he was so sick wouldn’t your sex drive take a dive?

It sounds like he could be a hypochondriac if his penis remains unaffected by his mystery illnesses.

He has a history of a chronic respiratory illness. It's ongoing lately but restrictions don't help as he work, comes home, sleeps. He is also
Lonely as he can't see his family and friends at the moment . He lives alone.
We are each others bubble.
I feel
Conflicted as I do care very much but this recent bout of illness is going into its second month and it's taking over.
It's draining and joy sucking.
Feel bad typing that as he really
Does try to get on with his day and show enthusiasm for life .

I did wonder 💭 f he was a hypochondriac at times.
Our sex life I s largely unaffected but during the courses of medication, we were not sexually
Intimate . It has taken a dive but not hugely . I probably have a higher libido than him generally but my pleasure is at forefront when we are intimate . Perhaps he is trying to keep me happy?

His illnesses are not a
Mystery . They are long standing illnesses that resurface a couple
Of times per year.

Anyone else have any thoughts please

If he has longstanding health problems which recur on a frequent basis then ultimately this is how you have to assume it’s always going to be. If you don’t feel cut out to support someone through bouts of illness and potentially out your own life and wants and desires on hold to do so, then you have to reconsider having a relationship with an ill person. It’s better to do this after a few months, than to dally along for longer and reach breaking point when there are more feelings involved.

If he's got chronic health conditions, then you need to understand that this situation right now, is pretty much the BEST your life with him is ever going to get.

Far kinder to set both of you free. You to find someone to be in a relationship of equals with, rather than patient and caregiver. And him to explore his options elsewhere.

Chronic illness is horrible, but nobody is entitled to a relationship.

I'd put it something like
"I'm sorry BF but a relationship in which all of our activities and lives are ruled by your illnesses is just not what I want. This isn't working for either of us. Thanks for the time we've spent and I wish you all the best for the future."
(I'm not suggesting you dump him by text, the above is just roughly the way I would word it face to face.)

I am Crazy about him and don't expect life to be a bed of roses.

Doesn’t really ring true. What you’re describing is really fairly “low level” inconvenience in the grand scheme of things - you aren’t required to push his wheelchair or help him go to the bathroom and wash and dress. But you struggle to deal with his complaints and general tiredness. Which is fine. But if you’re getting impatient and annoyed with it after 9 months, you’re unlikely to make it to 9 years.

Wow sorry for all the negativity op. Sounds like he needs your strength when you both work together you will both get through this. You are not being selfish or unreasonable as it must be emotionally exhausting I would see what he is like when the virus has gone (they can last months though) be patient and hold on. If he is as you say caring attentive and funny he will be worth it as there's not many men like that.

OP's not one for "in sickness and in health" is she?

If you can't or don't want to deal with a partner who's not in prime condition feel free to dump him OP. Totally up to you. Don't expect a round of applause and sympathy for it though.

You're in your late 40s? I'm not anywhere near there yet but I'm fully expecting myself and DP to have more and more ailments as we get older, that seems to be par for the course. And we're prepared to look after each other through them.

His health conditions will never go away and if you're feeling like this after 9 mths, I'd get out now. Sounds harsh as he can't help it but it doesn't mean you owe him anything either.