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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Going LC with family members

7 replies

anon12345678901 · 05/04/2021 09:19

Hi guys,
So I am thinking of going low contact with family members, my aunt and uncle namely. They frown upon that I'm a single parent (not by choice, my husband cheated) and make it quite obvious.
They never ask after my son or me, when I text them they don't reply with much other than about themselves.
They make a massive fuss of my brother and sisters children, seeing them for long walks, giving them gifts, even liking all pictures on Facebook but making a point of not liking any with my son in them. I know it's only Facebook but this with other things, is actually feeling quite hurtful.
My son doesn't deserve to be treated differently, even down to Easter. They got him a small egg which is lovely of them, but wouldn't write the word love on it. Whereas the other children got several eggs, love from and the parents got money also.
I'm not trying to sound money grabbing but I'm feeling really disappointed and upset as to how obvious it's becoming and how he's noticing it.
Am I wrong to cause a family rift and go low contact? My dad whose brother it is, will be furious but honestly I just can't take anymore.
Any advice please would be great.

OP posts:
Kaleidoscopecascade · 05/04/2021 09:22

Stop going out of your way to contact them. Unfollow them on social media. If you see them at future family gatherings be polite and then talk to others. If they get you or your children small gifts say thank you and that's it.

JackieWeaverFever · 05/04/2021 09:25

when I text them they don't reply with much other than about themselves.

Stop texting them.
Stop telling them about your life.
If they message you, wait a while to reply and keep it bland and distant, ask no questions about them.
Don't ask to meet up.
Avoid commiting to anything if they ask to meet up.

JackieWeaverFever · 05/04/2021 09:30

Also you dont have to make a big deal out of it and "tear the family apart" just be unavailable and uninterested/uninteresting.
I have a nightmare gran aunt and have taken this approach with no big blowups. I was visiting 4+times a month and have now got it to 4-5 whats apps and 1-2 group social scenarios a year....

Marineboy67 · 05/04/2021 10:08

It's probably the right time to withdraw and begin to distance yourself. They've clearly made you feel undervalued and and less important. Continuing with contact just reminds and reaffirms how this makes you feel. Its a problem with them but they aren't that bothered.
I have the same with my older brother and sister. I've tried so many times to initiate conversations and contact in previous years now I don't bother.

anon12345678901 · 05/04/2021 15:49

Thanks for the responses. You're all right, I'm going to stop trying to make the effort, it's just not worth it when it's not reciprocated.
I won't make a big thing of it, I'll just do as suggested. I won't give them much if they actually do ask, just bland, bare minimum responses.
Thank you, you've made me feel much better now about the situation Smile

OP posts:
Sunflower1970 · 05/04/2021 19:18

Yes lower contact and concentrate on the people who love you and your son

Cherrysoup · 05/04/2021 19:26

When posting photos on sm, don’t let them see them. They’re very disappointing, aren’t they? Why are they punishing you for your dh being a twat? What will your dad say if you point out how much worse they treat you compared to your siblings?

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