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Relationships

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Original poster

First date lovebombing or over eager?

24 replies

Jumpinginwithbothfeet · 04/04/2021 23:19

I had a first date (social distanced walk) with someone on Saturday. He was nice enough, we got on well, similar interests and sense of humour etc. I didnt really feel a 'spark' but put it down to possible nerves etc. However since date he had messaged a LOT of times saying how beautiful and amazing I am. How he can't wait to see me again. I'm the last thing he thinks of at night and first thing in the morning, how I deserve only the best etc...I know I may sound ungrateful but we barely know each other, I'm nothing special, is this somewhat over the top? If anything its putting me off a second date, I'm not sure I'm that into him but feel his expectations are way higher than mine. Is this lovebombing or is he just a bit over eager?

OP posts:

OrangeBrickRoad · 04/04/2021 23:24

I’m not sure but I would feel cautious too. I’d probably not bother with another date. Not sure why but it would just make me uneasy.

Original poster

Jumpinginwithbothfeet · 04/04/2021 23:27

It is making me feel uneasy. But feel like I'm being a cow if I ditch him and he's just a bit over the top nice!

OP posts:

seensome · 04/04/2021 23:29

You didn't feel a spark, listen to your intuition, don't let him being full on sway you. Unfortunately it happens dating often one doesn't like the other, just be honest if you don't want to see him again, say you had a nice date but didn't feel any romantic connection.

Happycat1212 · 04/04/2021 23:29

I wouldn’t continue. Too full on for me

Aquamarine1029 · 04/04/2021 23:30

Way, way, way ott. This is not how normal, well-adjusted grown men behave. This is textbook "what crazy shit will scare off good women" and here he is the poster child for Level 5 Clingers.

Run for your life and block.

Nonmaquillee · 04/04/2021 23:33

Far too much too soon and creepy.

Cowbells · 04/04/2021 23:40

It's love bombing because all of those comments are totally generic. If he was referring specifically to funny things you'd said or ideas you had that made him think or how delighted he was that you share his interest in blah then I'd think he was genuinely keen. But the stuff you describe could be cut and pasted to any woman he dates.

Ardvark111 · 04/04/2021 23:43

Mans pov here, lovebombing on a massive scale trying to reel you in by showering you with compliments, on flipside if this was unwanted attention anymore than 3 msgs in 24 hours can be deemed as harassment. Just tell him to back up a bit as you find it to full on, see how he takes it,!!

OldWomanSaysThis · 04/04/2021 23:57

If you didn't feel a spark, then you didn't feel a spark. Period.
Who cares what he thinks, or says, or feels. Blah blah blah.

"Thanks for the walk, but I didn't feel a connection. Good luck on your quest."
Don't read his response. Delete. Block. End of.

Original poster

Jumpinginwithbothfeet · 05/04/2021 00:02

Thanks everyone you're all right, all a bit too much too soon and there was no real spark so I think I will tell him its not for me.

OP posts:

Wishingwell75 · 05/04/2021 00:04

I think you are completely on the money @cowbells - it is indeed the generic nature of the comments that to me would be almost offensive - like he just wants any woman, wouldn't matter who.
Sorry OP but the fact is you've already had your intuition let you know there's either something off or he's just not your lobster!
I know it might go against the grain but this niceness and not wanting to seem rude by not giving him another opportunity is not helping you or him.
So many of us have been conditioned even subliminally to be nice, ignore instinct etc and it doesn't help any of us and can be so detrimental.

7catsandcounting · 05/04/2021 00:06

YABU for saying you're "nothing special". There'll be plenty of people who think you're shithot. If you're not feeling it with this man, you owe him nothing.

EarthSight · 05/04/2021 00:06

It's not that all of these men do this in a calculated manner. Some of them just have very low emotional inhibition and they often develop feelings based on an almost entirely fabricated version of who you are. It's quite shallow and just as they easily get infatuated, the can also drop or ghost someone overnight which leaves the other person confused, upset or wondering what they did wrong. You have a bad feeling about this guy... maybe it's worth paying attention to.

Marineboy67 · 05/04/2021 02:03

Put 'Romeoverthetop' out of his misery and tell him "no chemistry for me but thank you good luck for the future"

ismiseeire · 05/04/2021 02:06

He sounds like a twat 'you only deserve the best?' Quite a high opinion he has of himself there.
No spark, tell him it was nice but you've no spark. Block.

HappyWipings · 05/04/2021 02:17

I had this years ago. It was literally like the guy was on a different date to me! We had one drink , chatted very awkwardly for under an hour and there really was no chemistry at all. Yet I got all of the ott compliments in several back to back texts in the following hours. It was far too much.

I thanked him for meeting me , said that I didn't see it going anywhere and wished him the best. Then I blocked him. 100% the right decision imo. I met my now husband a month later.

icdtap · 05/04/2021 06:40

I'm the last thing he thinks of at night and first thing in the morning, how I deserve only the best etc

Completely over the top and weird.
Just tell him there was no spark from your point of view so you won't be going on a second date. And then if he sends any messages you are not happy about - such as trying to persuade you to give him another chance, or going on about s feelings for you or whatever, just block hm.

It would put me right off.

KihoBebiluPute · 05/04/2021 07:00

Yes you are right to back off and cut contact. He is using a textbook (well probably a website) script for his tactics, not making a connection with you as an individual at all. It is misogyny, because he is working on the assumption that women will actually fall for this shit because we as a category are uniform in our desires and responses and don't have any important variations in personality between individuals. He would be using exactly the same script whoever had turned up for that first date.

Lex345 · 05/04/2021 07:10

I would find these comments OTT even from my husband of 15 years

It is either love bombing or it is a huge red flag for a possessive, obsessive and suffocating partner-after one date he says all this, can you imagine what he would be like after 2 dates, engagement or...gulp..marriage?!

Fireflygal · 05/04/2021 08:27

It is making me feel uneasy

Listen to this! Your instinct is warning you.

Also, you are under no compulsion to meet him again.

nearlynermal · 05/04/2021 08:31

That would give me The Ick big time, OP.

Original poster

Jumpinginwithbothfeet · 05/04/2021 08:57

Thanks everyone wasn't sure if I was being a bit over paranoid. The last guy I was seeing was the complete opposite so thought maybe thats why it seemed a bit over the top. But the thought of seeing him again makes me feel anxious not excited so I will put an end to it.

OP posts:

eatsleepread · 05/04/2021 09:05

I agree that this would be his standard response after any date.
I think you're doing the right thing, OP.
Next!!

nearlynermal · 05/04/2021 09:55

^ This. And is it just me who finds it weirdly insulting to be called "beautiful" when (speaking for myself here) one's just a middle aged woman who scrubs up well. As if they think we're so credulous and needy we'll lap it up?

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