It was suggested I post this here as I originally posted it on SAHP forum which doesn’t get much traffic.
I’m concerned about a good friend of mine, she’s not in a good way at the moment and I don’t know what to do about it. She and her husband and their 2.5 year old child have moved very far away from her support network and family, so I can’t just go over and check on her. Last time I phoned she said she’d been “let out for 20 minutes” which sounded negative so I queried it. She’s not allowed out alone without the child very much and her husband barely does any childcare despite working from home, you would have thought he could spare more than just a few minutes a week? He’s forbidden nursery because the child cried once when they tried it. Seems obsessed with my friend being a “good mother” but she has to be around all the time in case the child has a tantrum because he doesn’t know how to deal with it. Whenever I ask about how they deal with finances she tells me she knows nothing of the money they have and doesn’t get involved... whenever I speak with my friend on the phone she never talks about herself or anything she has done, only about the child. She has no hobbies or interests anymore and I feel the situation isn’t healthy. Maybe I am clueless as I don’t have children myself (I’m pregnant and my partner has promised to share childcare with me so I can work and be independent, we’re also going to share all our income together) but i feel as if my friend is experiencing isolation and some kind of manipulation or lack of care from her husband. I have actually known her husband for a few years and he seemed nice but just all of these things together makes me think he is being at best thoughtless and at worst deliberately controlling. It makes me sad that my friend is not experiencing the independence that I would expect for myself. She used to be a feminist.
I’m not sure how to help her, what can I do?