On MN in general when a friend is being very intense people often suggest being blunt or ghosting, and at the moment neither of these things feels like an option.
The situation :
Known her 5 years. She has a mental health issue and I have always known this and it has never been an issue in the friendship until the last few months.
She has been extremely unwell and realistically should have been sectioned at the height of it and wasn't. Bed shortage. She did extreme and scary things. I was genuinely in fear for her life and contacted everyone I could think of for help. As a friend, and not a relation, there was very little support provided to me. The response she received from mental health services could certainly be called negligence, but I wasn't even allowed to make a complaint about her CPN due to GDPR.
Meanwhile, ALL her emotional support has fallen to me. Over the last few months she has rung and texted at all hours of the day and night, often making alarming statements.
I have done everything, using Do Not Disturb, not replying immediately, not always answering. And it upsets her and it feels cruel.
At the same time, she is very needy and some of the way she expresses her need makes me feel manipulated. Parents are two of the most self absorbed egotists I have ever met and the majority of her friends have fallen away.
We don't live in the same area, and last time I was able to visit her before C19 I took the strong impression that her behaviour during various unwell episodes has made her "known" in her town and not in a good way.
She is VERY isolated, and seems to be a frequent target for the sort of man who gets off on exploiting the vulnerable.
It's just SO hard.
She is becoming better now, but she wants to talk on the phone at length a lot about a limited range of topics about which she is fixated. I just feel like I am having the one conversation on endless repeat.
I have long term mental health issues also and some serious stuff going on in my own life. During our last conversation I tried to talk about my situation a bit but every time I did, she talked over me, cut in, or changed the subject immediately before I had finished.
Even when I was directly responding to her points and her needs, she would barely let me finish my point before pulling the conversation back on. to her fixations.
I understand that she is unwell still. And I HAVE told her that I have my own shit that she needs to respect my time more. But she either doesn't realise what she is doing or doesn't care.
Last time I wasn't free to speak to her I tried to direct her to a professional, but she just wanted me.
The thing is, I'm not a friend in this situation anymore, I'm an overworked unpaid pressganged therapist. And I can't cope.
And I can't tell her I can't cope.
Because she has nobody.
But "services" can't talk to me.
Just at a loss.
Handhold?