He went back to her

[Overwhelmedmummm]

My husband had an affair. Told me & he left me for her, then he came back and we spent 6 months on and off (which I’m pretty sure now that he was still in touch with her). He went through times of love bombing me, to then being distant. It finally ended for good a few weeks ago, he said he didn’t love me that way (even though the month before I was his soul mate according to him!!).
It took him a week to add her back on Facebook (I’m not on Facebook, a mutual friend is on his Facebook and noticed she had tagged him in a stupid meme post)

I just can’t wrap my head around it. All my friends and family think I should be over it as technically we split up ages ago, but it doesn’t feel like that when he has being stringing me on for months on end. Also doesn’t help that she’s slim and I’ve being gaining more and more weight since this whole fiasco started due to comfort eating.

I don’t really know what I’m asking really, I feel like he’s now living his best life, out with his fancy woman whilst I’m at home all day and frumpy frazzled by two kids.

You need to re-phrase this in your head.

She lost. She got a cheating dickhead who pisses about playing games with people.

Whereas you got your freedom and got rid of said dickhead. Well done you! Also - he lost the right to live with his children.

Now focuses on enjoying your new life without a deadbeat in it. You've got the freedom to choose your next move.

To add to PP:
You (understandably) might not be able to accept it yet, but you know who he is now.
One day at a time is the best way for now.

You need to re-phrase this in your head.

She lost. She got a cheating dickhead who pisses about playing games with people.

Whereas you got your freedom and got rid of said dickhead. Well done you! Also - he lost the right to live with his children.

Now focuses on enjoying your new life without a deadbeat in it. You've got the freedom to choose your next move.

THIS THIS AND THIS

Thanks @MadMadMadamMim I really wish I did few like that. I feel like he’s ripped any bit of self esteem and self worth right out of me

@mineofuselessinformation I just wish I never had to see him again, sadly having children doesn’t make that possible. It’s like reopening the wound every time I see him

I get that, I was in the same position as you.
It's very painful, but as you 'wake up' to who they are, those feelings go.
It does take time, though.

Be glad he's not your problem, from the outside you think everything is rosey for them but not for long, he'll soon get bored and with her having the same morals perhaps she'll cheat on him!
In the mean time, you'll be working on your self esteem, learning to be independent, Great mum that provides and puts her family first. After lockdown, get back into work if aren't already, get fit and healthy, buy new clothes, you can live your best life without him and it'll be showing him, you don't need him.

Oh I really do feel for you OP. I’ve gone through this same scenario with my wife, she left me for her co-worker and has spent the last year bouncing back and forth between me and him saying she didn’t know what she wanted.

Only last month she was telling me she loves me and wants to be with me. Fast forward to today and we are living together and she’s decided again it’s over and is openly seeing the OM.

So I know that the stringing along feeling and really does play with your emotions. It’s still early days and you are going to feel a range of emotions. Those that tell you that you should be over it’s I would think have not been through it and it can take a while for you to recover. Being left for someone’s else is on another level and brings its own level it hurt.

Be kind to yourself and don’t be too hard in yourself.